After the Storm
by Trmptgrl47
Summary: She was right; he thought ironically; the blood on the front her sweater wasn't hers. However, the red that was blossoming on the left side of her body certainly was.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't Own 'Em. Never will. I literally have a couple of trumpets and a guitar to my name and no savings account. Don't sue me.

Summary: Reworking of the Diner scene in Knockdown (So spoiler alert I guess!) and the repercussions of said reworking.

The Title is taken from the Mumford & Sons song I was listening to whilst working on this and really has no significance. Btw, You should check them out, they're awesome.

"Back away from the Window! Away from the Window!" Kate Beckett shouted over the noise of panicked screams and people hitting the floor in self-preservation.

"You're hit…" Castle's voice rung in her ears, and she could feel him gently moving her coat to the side.

"I'm fine, it's not my blood," came the quick reply.

Richard Castle seemed satisfied with her answer and he crawled to the man known as John Raglan who was gasping for air on the ground. He could hear Beckett radioing for back-up over the ringing in his ears as he crawled over to Raglan, looking for anything to keep the man alive. He would like to think that the reason was his respect for human life, but in truth, Castle knew, he wanted his detective to get the information she so desperately needed. As he gazed into the man's eyes, he knew the light was gone. John Raglan was dead, and with him went any closure he could hope for his tortured detective.

Castle could hear Beckett's radio repeatedly asking her for her to confirm the rushed information she had shouted, but instead of her answer he heard his name in a strangled whisper from her lips.

"Castle…"

His attention turned immediately from the dead man under his hands to his partner's face and found a look of anguish he had never seen grace her perfect features. She was paler than he had ever seen her and she looked on the verge of falling over.

"Beckett?" he questioned, "Are you okay?"

"Castle, I think I…" she gasped.

He watched in slow motion as she toppled backward off of her heels and collapsed onto the dirty diner floor. He lurched forward in a violent motion in an attempt to catch her but wound up crawling the last few inches to her side.

His eyes assessed her face first before sliding down the length of her body. She was right; he thought ironically; the blood on the front her sweater wasn't hers. However, the red that was blossoming on the left side of her body certainly was.

"Kate!" He shouted, seeing her eyes fluttering, "No, no, you stay with me, you hear me?"

He was nearing hysterics now, and it felt as if there was an imaginary hand around his throat. The crackling of Beckett's forgotten radio broke through the blood rushing into his ears. He picked up the device and pressed the side button to speak. At any other time, he would have thought it "pretty cool" to be using the police radio, but that thought never crossed his mind as he shouted the words he never wanted to grace his lips.

"Officer Down! I repeat, Officer down! I need and ambulance to 4th and Main!"

The disembodied voice on the other end of the radio replied something about an estimated time of arrival but Richard Castle didn't care. All he cared about was the life of the woman in front of him.

"Beckett, Kate, please." He gasped, leaning over her so she could see him. "You need to tell me what to do. I don't know what to do for you. Please, you need to tell me what to do."

"Rick…" She whispered, "It's ok."

The truth was it was in no way, "ok." She was getting light-headed and the pain in her side was becoming unbearable as the adrenaline from the gunshot that took Raglan's life wore off.

She didn't lie to Castle when she said she was fine; she'd truly believed it. It wasn't until she took a deep breath to yell into her radio that she felt the white-hot pain in her left side. She knew in that moment that she was in trouble and she managed to gasp Castle's name before succumbing to her body's demands.

She felt as if she were underwater. She could hear Rick talking to her and she could see the panic gracing his ruggedly-handsome face, but everything was moving so fast that her shocked brain just couldn't keep up. She finally managed to focus when he moved himself completely into her field of vision. He was asking - no, begging – her to tell him what to do. She didn't want to tell him that he had to wait for the paramedics; that the only chance she had of not bleeding out was dependant on the New York City Traffic pattern; that she was dying in front of him under his hands and steady gaze. So she said the only thing she could think of to ease his mind; she told him it was ok.

Please Review so I can 1) know that people actually WANT to read my mindless musings and 2) be more inspired to write faster. Thanks!

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	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Oh Holy crap, what a response. It's insane how fast my inbox filled up right after I posted this. Thank you, all. Also, just a tip, by reviewing you are unintentionally (or intentionally) inflating my ego… and inflating my ego makes me happy… Happiness makes me want to write. Ergo, you reviewing makes me want to write. It's funny how that works, eh? ;)

Anyhow, I had to write this as quickly as possible for you guys. I owe you for your reviews. I hope you like it. It's a bit transitional but I'm satisfied. We're getting into the good stuff now.

This update is made possible by Starbucks Coffee, iTunes and my insufferable insomnia.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing…

Time was jumping for Richard Castle. He had no concept of how much time had passed. Seconds were becoming minutes; minutes turning hours. All he knew was that Kate Beckett needed every single one of them to last as long as possible.

He had somehow shifted her half onto his lap. He was cradling her head in his right arm while his left hand was trying, in vain, to hold as much blood as possible at bay. He had done a lot of medical research in his life for his multitude of novels. He knew that the human body held around six quarts of blood and the heart pumps blood around 12,000 miles in a single day. None of that was helping now. His hand was squeezing her side almost violently. It had to hurt. Even without the wound there it would have been uncomfortable, but he wasn't willing to let her lose a drop of life if he could help it. He was doing what he did best these days; staring at her; but this time she was staring right back instead of rolling her eyes or telling him to "knock it the hell off." It was unnerving to say the least. He knew he needed to talk to her, to keep her alert until help arrived but his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and his throat still had the invisible had around it, choking him.

"Kate, you're going to be fine. I promise you. Help is coming." He managed to choke out.

She nodded at him gently and her expression quickly turned serious. Her mind had gone from slow as molasses on a cold day to racing around in circles thinking about every person in her life. She could feel the darkness creeping in and she was beginning to panic. Her need to reassure him was suddenly gone and she spoke.

"Castle…" She gasped. "I need you to take care of my Dad. You have to make sure he doesn't fall back… Promise me, Rick." She had reached up and grabbed a fist-full of his shirt to emphasize her point. She knew by the look of shock crossing his features that he'd understood what she meant. She was about to speak again when her breath hitched and she let out a deep cough that set her entire body into a fiery pain.

He watched her cough and held her tight, wishing he could take her pain away. She was scaring the hell out of him. The red that appeared on her pristine white teeth did nothing to help him in his blind panic.

"You don't need me to promise. You're going to be fine. You can take care of him yourself." He stuttered.

"No. Promise me, Castle." She was looking at him with such desperate attention that he had no choice but to agree.

"Ok… I… I promise." He nodded.

A sudden anger crept into his mind. This was Katherine Beckett for God's sake! She was as close to a superhero as one could get! This wasn't happening; not to them. It wasn't supposed to be this way. To boot, she was giving up. She was resigning in the fight for her life. The imaginary hand around his neck released violently and the stale air of the diner rushed into his lungs. He wanted to jump up and down. He wanted to scream. He wanted to run away. He wanted to cry. He never felt so many emotions at once and it was overwhelming him. He did the only thing he knew how, he resorted to his words.

"Kate, you listen to me." He spoke while stroking her hair with his right thumb. "I'm a selfish man and I'm going to be selfish now, do you hear me? I need you. I need you to be in my world. I need you to be ok and I'm demanding that you fight this." His voice was strong and determined. In his ears, he could sirens and he silently thanked the NYPD and FDNY.

"Castle," She began but he cut her off.

"NO, Kate." He all but yelled, "You don't get to do this! You don't get to give up or give in. You're Kate Beckett, Damn it! You're going to be fine."

Her condition was deteriorating, he knew that. Her breathing was shallow and her chest wasn't rising and falling as equally as it should have been. Her eyes were becoming cloudy and he knew she was fighting unconsciousness.

"Listen to me. When this is all over, I'm taking you some place warm." She smirked at him and he nearly wept at the sight. "I'll call the mayor if I have to, but you and me, we're taking some time off."

"You're just trying to get me into a swimsuit." She replied unevenly, the strain of talking becoming a bit too much.

Castle laughed and stroked her forehead some more. He had never had her so close to him. He had dreamed of holding her many times but it was never like this. This was not something he ever wanted to experience. He never thought the first time he would hold her could be his last as well. He felt his eyes burn and a traitorous tear leak from his right-eye. He was hoping she didn't notice, but he knew she did. Kate Beckett didn't miss anything.

"Don't, Rick." She whispered. She went to say something else but the sound of the Diner's door crashing open broke their gaze.

The cavalry was here and the charge was being led by Ryan, Esposito, and Captain Montgomery. 

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	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: The response to this has been incredible. It's making me feel guilty for every minute I procrastinate doing something other than working on this story. See: Guitar, Trumpet playing, Lesson planning. Btw, I'm from the NYC area so I'm using details that I know about that. I'm not THAT well researched so don't give me credit where it isn't due._**

**_Also, as you can see, I'm not one to hold my chapters hostage. As I finish them you see them, but I really appreciate the reviews. It honestly inspires me, so I thank every single one of you. _**

**_A number of you are concerned about Kate's fate. Here's the deal (SPOILER FOR THIS STORY DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO), I like putting the characters in mortal peril from time to time, but I love them too much to ever go to that place where they die. I mean, without them there would be no more show and then my Mondays would go back to completely sucking. So, No, Kate isn't going to kick it, bite it, perish, buy the farm, go into the light, die. This story is all about the repercussions of this. I mean, in her head she's going to die right now and Castle knows it. They're going to be pretty messed up after this… and I have the joy of addressing/fixing this._**

**_Without further ado, on with the show…_**

**_Don't own 'em._**

Richard Castle didn't know where he stood on the whole business of God. If you had asked him twenty years ago, he would have been a complete non-believer, but after looking into the face of his baby girl seventeen years ago, he reassessed. He gazed at the little baby with bright blue eyes in his arms and suddenly he couldn't imagine that there wasn't an all-powerful deity that created the perfection resting in his hands. However, over the years, that faith waned as he researched murderers, thieves, villains, and generally evil people. He knew there was a possibility, but he didn't put much stock in it. Instead, he put all of his faith in his family and the people he allowed himself to get close to. However, at this moment, sitting in the waiting room at the NYU Langone Medical Center, all he could think about were prayers. _Please, God, let Beckett be ok; Please God, give me the strength to call her Dad. Please, God, I'll do anything if you let me keep her. Please…_

Everything moved so fast after the diner's doors crashed open and New York's finest rushed in. He only took his eyes off of her for a second-_A God-damned second!—_and when his gaze fixed back down to utter an "I told you so," her eyes were closed.

He told her it wasn't funny. He told her to open them and look at him, but she didn't. She didn't respond at all. This was the point in the movies and his books where he should have professed his undying love and she would open her eyes. She would open those beautiful dark-green eyes and assure him she'd be fine and tell him that she, in fact, loved him, too. None of it happened.

Instead, Richard Castle's throat closed up completely. His hands stilled on her body and the paramedics took her from him before he could regain his voice and composure. Ryan, Esposito and The Captain had grabbed him, hauled him to his feet and demanded to know what the hell had happened. He tried to tell them, he did, but he couldn't focus on anything but the medics working across the room. When Ryan and Esposito stepped into his line of sight he nearly screamed at them. He needed to see her. He needed to see if she was still breathing for himself. Instead, he told the story of the morning. He had gotten to the point in the story where Raglan had passed and Beckett fell, before Ryan shifted and he caught sight of her again between the two detective's shoulders.

They were cutting her sweater open violently and shoving packs of gauze onto her side when he had to turn away. He didn't want to see her like that. He shouldn't have had to. His stomach turned and he fled to the back of the diner where he lost the coffee and Captain Crunch he consumed for breakfast into a trash can.

Esposito's heavy hand landed on his back and Ryan flanked his other side. Castle straightened up and mistakenly looked down at his hands—Red—and he was sick again.

After that, everything was foggy. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought he had completely lost it. All clarity in his mind was gone. He remembers seeing her being wheeled into the waiting FDNY bus outside and it pulling away, sirens blaring. He remembers throwing a fit at his friends at the twelfth; demanding to leave with her; demanding the boys to get their asses in their car and drive him to wherever she was going. To their credit, they did. Ryan and Esposito guided him outside and Montgomery stayed behind to deal with the horrible mess that this day turned out to be.

And so he sat, in the waiting room of the surgical area of Langone Med Center, his iPhone grasped in his palms. He was scrubbed clean with help from Lanie, who was off finding friends to get her information. He was dressed head-to-toe in dark blue scrubs from the nurse's station and his clothes were gone. He told Ryan to get rid of them forever. The boys were on their phones somewhere trying to get info on the sniper who had terrorized the diner and Castle was trying to figure out how to call Beckett's Dad. Esposito had told him that he would take care of it, but Castle insisted. He needed to do this. He made a promise and he intended on keeping it in any way possible.

He balked, though. He told Beckett he was selfish and he was. So he did the thing that all men do when they're lost; he called his Mom.

"Richard, darling, to what do I owe this midday pleasure?"

"Mother… I need you to come down to the NYU Med Center." He squawked into the phone. He was continually amazing how his voice could sound so foreign to his own ears.

"Richard, what happened? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Martha was panicking and he could hear his daughter in the background beginning to do the same. He had hoped Alexis wouldn't be home; that he could spare her for a little while, but alas, today was not his day.

"I'm okay, Mother… but Beckett… she's not… she's in surgery… and I don't know what to do. I need you to come."

"Okay. We'll be there soon." She gasped and replied. "Richard… Kate's a fighter, remember that."

"I know. I'll see you soon." He hung up and he saw Lanie approaching.

"What did you find, Lanie?"

"Not much, Castle." She replied, sighing. "She's in surgery and it's going how it was expected to be going. That's all I got."

Castle nodded at that medical examiner and looked back down at the phone in his hands.

"Do you know Josh's number? He should know about this."

Lanie looked up at him, surprised. "Castle, you're not going to need that. They broke up weeks ago and he's off in Africa somewhere."

Castle was confused. Beckett had never said anything about them breaking up. It made sense, he guessed. Kate Beckett didn't talk about her personal life unless he brought it up and he just didn't see any outward signs of a change in her mood to call her on it. He would have asked Lanie a million questions had it been any other day, but on this day, he just didn't give a damn.

"I need to call her dad, Lanie," He looked up, "and I don't know how." He stood suddenly and Lanie startled at the sudden movement.

"How am I supposed to tell him that his only daughter might be dying somewhere in this hospital, huh?" He asked in a frenzied whisper. "I don't even know how that bullet got past me! I mean, I was sitting next to her, Lanie, on her left-side! How did it miss me!"

"Castle, sit down…" When he made no attempt to move, she commanded again, "Castle, sit the hell down!" He obliged and Lanie continued, "Now you listen to me, Rick. Kate wouldn't want you to be doing this—this scenario analyzing. She would tell you that it isn't your fault, and it isn't, okay? Now, pick up that damned phone and dial the number. You'll know what to say when you hear his voice."

So he did what he was told. He punched the numbers into his phone and put the device to his ear. With his heart still lodged in his throat, he listened to the ringing on the other end. It rang and it rang and then…

"_Hello, you've reached the residence of Jim Beckett. I'm sorry I can't take your call right now… actually I'm not… I'm on an extended fishing trip in Montana. If you need to get in touch with me please contact my daughter, Kate, at…"_

"Shit." Castle cursed and hung up. "He's fishing, Lanie… and the one person who knows how to contact him is in surgery."

Lanie nodded solemnly and left her position next to him to go relay the information to Esposito who was hovering in the doorway. Castle took a deep breath and let it out. He would let the boys track Jim Beckett down and talk to him when he could. That was still keeping his promise, right?

_Yeah, _Castle thought, _This day sucks._

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	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Damn it, Jim, I'm a Music Teacher not a Doctor! Yeah, I don't know if the medical jargon in here is right. I'm just going with it. It's not really important to the overall story. _

_I've had a little drop off in reviews, which is a little unnerving to a person who writes almost never. I'm not going to beg for them, it's not becoming, but if I shouldn't waste my time writing this you can let me know, too._

_I know where I want this story to go, but I'm having a hard time getting there, but we're progressing slowly. I feel like I can't keep skipping time and recapping it, it gets mundane. So, I decided to progress in a way that emotionally feels right to the characters instead of getting ahead of myself. Ok, enough from me. Enjoy (I hope)…_

_Still own nothing…  


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The waiting game continued. He went from being alone in the blue room too being swamped on either side by family and friends. When his mother and Alexis arrived there were blurs of red before he was enveloped in their warm embraces. _Why do they have to be wearing Red?_ He asked himself. He hated that color today. He couldn't get the image of red on his hands, his clothes, staining her white sweater and on her beautiful smile out of his mind.

At some point Jenny had joined Ryan and was sitting with him as they stared at nothing. Lanie was leaning heavily on Esposito and every once in a while they would exchange glances and sigh. The Captain had come and gone. He wanted to stay, everyone knew that Beckett was his favorite, but the ringing of his cell phone had dragged him back to the precinct. He demanded that the boys call him at even the slightest news, and they promised they would.

Castle was sitting slumped in his chair with Alexis cuddled on his shoulder and his mother sitting on the opposite side with her hand on his arm. They had asked what happened and he choked out the story once again. He left out the gory details to spare his daughter, but he had a sneaking suspicion that she was smart enough to fill in the blanks herself. He both loved and hated that about her. She was brilliant, and he was so proud of her, but he wished that she could have kept her naivety about the cruelness of the world just a little longer.

Richard Castle didn't wait for much these days. Having a lot of money and fame allowed him to the front of the line in pretty much everything and he enjoyed that for the most part. He wished those rules applied now. He wanted to know what the hell was happening instead of being kept in the dark. He would have gone around waving money if he thought that would help, but he knew it wouldn't. He would have to wait, just like everyone else, and it was driving him out of his mind.

Finally, seven hours from when he held her in his arms, a doctor entered the blue waiting room.

"Family of Detective Beckett?" He looked around.

"Yes, Us!" Castle jumped up, startling Alexis from his arm. Everyone else followed him to his feet.

"Oh, Wow, there's quite a few of you." The doctor raised his eyebrows at the group. "Well, then, first, I'm Dr. Howard. I've been treating Detective Beckett since she was brought in."

The doctor shook hands with Castle, Lanie, Ryan and Esposito who were closest to him and continued.

"When she was brought in, she had lost a substantial amount of blood." Castle almost gagged again at the thought of the red substance on his clothes and skin but was able to focus again as the doctor continued his report.

"We were able to give her a transfusion and locate the source of the bleeding. She had been struck in the left-side of her chest where the bullet both entered and exited."

All Castle wanted to do was turn and cover his daughter's ears and tell her to hum a tune. He didn't want her to listen to this. It wasn't right.

"The bullet nicked and broke a rib which then punctured her left lung. We immediately took her to surgery where we were able to repair these injuries with very little difficulty. Barring any complications in the next 24 hours, I would say that Detective Beckett will make a speedy recovery." He smiled.

The group let out a collective sigh and hugs were shared all around. Castle could have sworn he heard a small sob from Lanie into Esposito's shirt, but he was too busy hugging his daughter, who was tearing-up herself, to investigate.

"We're moving her to a private room because of her status with the NYPD and we'll let you know when she's ready for visitors." Dr. Howard explained, "I have to warn you, though, she's going to be in some pain for a while and we're going to be giving her IV pain meds pretty consistently for the next 24 hours because of the rib. Then we'll wean her off and hopefully she'll be able to go home in about 3 days."

"3 days!" Castle asked incredulously, "Isn't that a little soon?"

"I know it seems a relatively short amount of time, but we're confident she'll be back on her feet in no time." Castle watched the doctor smile and attempt to diffuse his anxiety but it wasn't working too well.

"She'll need someone to be with her for a week or two, to help change bandages and remind her about medication, but Detective Beckett is in great health and her body is going to heal itself very quickly, I assure you."

Castle looked around the waiting room as the boys shook the doctor's hand again and thanked him and Dr. Howard made his exit. Lanie was looking at him and she knew what he was going to ask before the words crossed his lips. Before he could ever have the words form from his thoughts, three cell phones rang in almost unison.

Lanie, Ryan and Esposito excused themselves to answer their phones while Castle's attention turned to his family.

"Would you guys mind if Beckett stayed with us?" he asked, "I know it's a lot to ask, but her Dad is unreachable until next week according to Esposito, and it appears they all have their hands full with work." He gestured to the three people on their phones.

"Nonsense, Richard." Martha shook her head. "Of course she'll stay with us. It's safe, secure, and she'll have everything she needs."

Next to his mother, Alexis was bobbing her head up and down. He knew his daughter looked up to his detective and cared for her as much as his mother seemed to. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen anyone that met Beckett and didn't wind up appreciating her for exactly who she was. Even the criminals she had caught, in some way, respected her.

He turned back and was met with three perturbed-looking city employees.

"They're putting us on point in the Raglan case." Ryan explained, gesturing to Esposito.

"And I'm examining the body." Lanie added.

"We would all love to stay here, but the best we can to for her is finding the bastard that did this." Esposito added, looking apologetically at Alexis after swearing.

"No, I understand." Castle said. "You'll keep us updated? She deserves to know everything you find."

"Of course, bro." Esposito smiled. "As long as you take good care of our girl, Castle."

"but not too good of care…." Lanie added and smiled, "and I want to know if she even coughs wrong, do you hear me?"

"Absolutely, you'll be the first one we call, Dr. Parish." Castle smiled at the M.E. He knew that Lanie was trusting him to not screw this up and it was a lot for her to relinquish the control over her best friends health.

No sooner did the trio leave, plus Jenny, did a polite nurse enter the waiting area and announced that Beckett could have visitors. Castle didn't want to go. He was as scared as he was in the diner even though he knew she would be all right. He just wanted to go home and crawl into bed with the covers over his head and hide like the little boy he sometimes resembled. A small hand grabbing his arm pulled him back.

"Come on, Dad." Alexis smiled. "Beckett needs you."

And so, he went.

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	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Wow, okay, I guess you all DO want to read this. The reviews continue to inspire and motivate me. I really can't thank you all enough. Keep up the great work and I'll try to keep up my mediocre work. :)**_

_**So, I had some minor surgery last year and I had the whole anesthesia and morphine experience, which is a real adventure. So, that's what I'm basing Beckett's reaction off of. Also, the Cannula I speak of is the tube thing that goes up your nose and delivers pure oxygen to breathe, in case you were wondering.**_

_**Ok, enough from me. Enjoy (I hope).**_

_**Disclaimer: I would LOVE to own Castle, but I don't. I just play with the characters sometimes. **_

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Before today, Richard Castle would not have described Kate Beckett as small. The way she commanded a room and the way she stood tall on those ridiculously-high heels gave her the illusion of being an unstoppable force. Today, that was not the case. When he crossed the threshold of her hospital room door, family in tow, he gasped at how small she looked lying there.

She wasn't hooked up to many machines, he noticed. The breathing tube had long since been removed but she was sporting a nasal cannula that was surely supplying her with cool oxygen, and a heart monitor that was beeping steadily, but incessantly.

He settled in for the long-haul in a chair he had pulled up to her bed. He made idle conversation with his mother and daughter, he ate whatever gruel Alexis had brought him from the cafeteria downstairs, and he sat next to Kate's bed with his hand resting dangerously close to hers. He wanted to reach out and grab it, but he didn't want to risk it with his family hanging around. Logically, he knew that he should have just done it; that his daughter and mother knew his not-so-secret feelings for the detective; but he couldn't bring himself to display it just yet.

Around ten o'clock, a nurse came in to check Kate's vitals and surveyed the trio in the room.

"Hi, I'm Maureen." She smiled, "It's getting pretty late and visiting hours are over. They start again tomorrow morning at nine."

Martha and Alexis nodded and went to stand but Castle stayed put.

"I'm not leaving." He stared at the nurse.

"Mr.-?"

"Castle, Richard Castle," He replied in a clipped manner, "and I'm not going anywhere until she does." He gestured to Beckett to his left.

"Look, Mr. Castle, I understand your concern, but I assure you she's in the finest hands in New York when it comes to medical care."

"I have no doubt that is the case, Maureen." He smiled tightly, "but she's a detective with the NYPD and there is an entire precinct that will have my ass if I let her out of my sight; which I have no intention of doing."

"Richard, darling…" Martha tried to intervene but Castle cut her off.

"No, Mother. I'm not leaving her."

The nurse looked like she was unsure of what to do with the situation. So, she did the only thing she could think of… she left, stating that she would get her superior to advise him to leave.

"Dad, maybe you should go." Alexis reasoned, "You don't want to get on the nurses' bad side."

"I have no intention of doing that, pumpkin, but I'm not leaving Beckett." He explained. "I'll do whatever it takes to stay."

When Maureen returned, she had the Chief of Surgery and the Head Nurse with her and Castle knew just how to get himself out of this situation. He did what he wanted to do hours ago… He turned on the charm.

"Mr. Castle, I'm Dr. John Statham, the Chief of Surgery here." The older doctor introduced himself.

"and I'm Miranda Baker, Head Nurse."

"It is an absolute pleasure to meet you both." Castle charmed. "You've all taken excellent care of my friend; especially, Dr. Howard and the nursing staff." He motioned to Maureen standing behind the two newcomers.

"Mr. Castle, I appreciate the compliments, but I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to observe the visiting hours." Dr. Statham was having none of Rick's charms, but if Richard Castle knew anything in life, he knew how to get to the heart of a matter and get exactly what he wanted.

"Oh no, Dr. Statham, they aren't compliments, they're facts, and I intend on letting the Mayor know about those facts as well as making a substantial donation to your facility as soon as my friend, _Detective _Beckett here, is released." Castle smiled as the doctor's eyes grew wide. He had him _right_ where he wanted him.

"I see." He exchanged glances with the head nurse who nodded and he turned back to the Castle clan. "Well then, if there isn't anything else, I'll have Maureen bring in some blankets to make your stay a little more comfortable."

"That would be so generous of you, Dr. Statham." Castle shook the man's hand. "I really appreciate everything you are doing here in this hospital and the nursing staff, Nurse Baker, has been absolutely fantastic."

He knew that if Beckett were awake her eyes would have rolled out of her head by now. She always hated when he laid the charm on thick, especially to get what he wanted. When the hospital staff had said their goodbyes, he turned to his family.

"Ok, I need you both to go home," Castle commanded, "and when you come back tomorrow, make sure to bring me some clothes."

He kissed his daughter on her forehead and gave his mother a hug. The "you did good, kiddo" she whispered in his ear made him smile.

When Maureen returned she gave him a pillow and a blanket as well as a sheepish smile and an "I really love your books, Mr. Castle."

He smiled, thanked her, and as soon as she left the room, he fired up his iPhone and ordered a smorgasbord of food and coffee for the entire floor that he and Beckett currently inhabited. He hoped that would smooth over any hard feelings that the nurses and doctors may be harboring about his rule-breaking. He pulled another chair up, propped his feet up, put the pillow behind his head and blanket over his body, he grabbed Beckett's right hand and watched her breathe in an out.

The night went on with him dozing on and off and nursing staff coming by, checking vitals, checking sutures (as he turned away) and thanking him for the sustenance, before leaving. Around two o'clock, he woke up to a sigh coming from the woman next him.

He was disoriented for a second before he swung his legs off the chair and turned to face her completely.

"Beckett..? Kate?" He asked, gently, "Can you hear me? Open your eyes."

Castle watched as her eyebrows drew together in confusion and her eyelids began to flutter. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was so excited to see her eyes-to hear her voice- that he found himself gripping her hand tightly and leaning forward.

"mmm… Castle?" she rasped.

"Yeah, it's me. Can you open your eyes for me?"

Instead of looking at him, she brought her left hand up and started to grab the cannula out of her nose. He leaned forward and caught her hand.

"No, no, leave it in, Kate." He commanded, "You need that."

Becoming more aware, she dropped her left hand, turned her head to the right and looked him in the eye.

"It itches."

Castle laughed in utter relief and her tiny admission. Her voice was raspy and her eyes were clouded with the effects of pain medication, but to his surprise, she looked like the Kate he knew. He leaned back and grabbed the tiny plastic water cup from her bedside and gave her a sip.

"Thanks. My throat feels like a desert and my tongue might be glued to the roof of my mouth… the jury's still out." She sighed and looked up into his smiling face. _He really WAS ruggedly handsome. _Before the unfiltered thoughts could leave the confines of her head and be turned into sound-waves, he spoke.

"I'm going to get a nurse to check you out now that you're awake."

"Okay."

She closed her eyes again as she felt Castle let go of her hand and heard his shoes on the linoleum as he exited. The room felt like it was fuzzy and she was uncomfortable with the floaty-feeling she was currently experiencing. She knew that she should be feeling some sort of pain but she wasn't. Kate Beckett felt like her head was stuffed with cotton and her head weighed close to a ton. So, she did what she could and relaxed into the pillow until Castle came back with a nurse following close behind.

The nurse asked a million questions and it made her very irritated. Logically, she knew that the nurse was doing her job and making sure that she still had all of her mental faculties, but it didn't stop her from growling out the last few answers to the mundane questions. It also didn't help that Castle was smirking behind the nurse as Beckett got more and more annoyed.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Kate, the nurse left with instructions to get some rest and the doctor would be by in the morning. Castle took his seat next to her again and smiled at her.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"It's 2:30 in the morning." He replied.

"What are you still doing here? Aren't visiting hours long over?"

"Um… yeah, about that," Castle smiled, "Let's just say they don't really apply to me anymore."

"What did you do, Castle?"

"Me!" Castle put a hand to his chest, "What makes you think I _did_ anything?"

"You know what? I don't even care." Kate shook her head, "Fill in the blanks for me. Just how bad is this?" She gestured to her bed-ridden body.

"Well, you were shot obviously." All semblance of a smile was wiped from his face as he explained. "One of your ribs punctured your lung but if all goes well, you should be fine in no time."

"It's funny, it doesn't even hurt." Castle made a rumble in his chest as a response.

"I'm on a lot of morphine, aren't I?"

"Yeah."

"and this is really going to suck when they let up on the pain killers, isn't it?"

"Most likely."

"Great."

Castle laughed in response to her sarcasm and returned to his half-sitting, half-laying position across his two chairs with his head turned to her. He couldn't help it; his hand reached out and grabbed hers once more. If she was surprised at his action, she didn't let on.

"You scared the absolute hell out of me, Kate." He whispered.

"I'm sorry, Rick"

"I don't want you to be sorry. I'm just so glad you're okay." Staring into her dark-green eyes was becoming too much for him and he started to feel a mist developing behind his eyes. So, he broke the gaze by looking at their intertwined hands for a half-second before looking back up and smiling gently.

"What do you say we get some rest, Detective?"

"I'd say that sounds like a good plan." She replied, her eyes closing already.

"Good. Rest well, Kate."

There was silence in the room until she broke it with a tiny whisper.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Nice Scrubs, McDreary." He could hear the tired smile in her voice.

He chuckled deep in his chest and smiled before succumbing to sleep.

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**CLICK ITTTT, Please? :)**


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: FIRSTLY… YOU GUYS! OVER 100 REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLL! (sorry, I'm excited) Thank you, that's all I can say. I would send you all hugs if I could. **_

_**Holy wow, Last night's ep? Yeah, it was fantastic. Frankly the previews made me more anxious for next week than the actual episode did. Yeah, the US one was great but our neighbors to the north? They got it right. If you don't know what I'm talking about I won't spoil it for you just youtube it.**_

_**Ok, Story-time. So, there's a little delay in this update and I have a reason. My A-key on my laptop just popped the hell off and broke. It totally sucks because I need to keep snapping it back on and it's making it very difficult to keep a coherent thought every time I have to stop and curse at it. Anyway, I have an order in for another one and I hope that will speed the typing process up a little when it arrives.**_

_**A couple of you guys had concerns and ideas for this story and I totally appreciate them! I promise though, a lot of them are already on my list of stuff to address. Someone also asked about the kiss… don't worry, I have plans :)**_

_**There isn't too much action in this one, but I feel like it's important to future events. Let me know what you think.**_

_**Don't own 'em…**_

_**

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**_

_Castle had dreamt of holding her many times but it was never like this. This was not something he ever wanted to experience. He never thought the first time he would hold her could be his last as well. He felt his eyes burn and a traitorous tear leak from his right-eye. _

"_Don't, Rick." She whispered. "I counted on you… I trusted you. How could you do this to me?"_

"_Kate, what are you talking about?" Castle stuttered._

_There was no trace of pain in her voice when she spoke. She looked up at him with clear eyes and a sneer upon her beautiful face._

"_You let me die, Rick. This is all your fault. You have no right to cry over me."_

_He looked at her face and she slowly disappeared from his arms. He was left sitting on the cold diner floor alone searching the area as he called her name repeatedly._

Richard Castle woke with an incredible start. He was lying on the small couch in the corner of Beckett's hospital room; well, almost former-hospital room. It was four days since she first landed here and four days since he had slept nightmare-free.

Happy, doped –up, Kate Beckett had long since gone. She had gone back to the gruff detective that refused pain medication and demanded to be released every time her doctor came by. If it wasn't for Lanie and Captain Montgomery, she might have signed herself out Against Medical Advice, but the two of them put her in her place.

Lanie, from the best-friend and medical professional angle:

"_Beckett, you'd be a damned fool leaving this hospital room before you're ready! Don't you know what your body has gone through? Do you know how many people were worried about you? Hell, Kate, you nearly died, and you want to put all of us through that again!"_ The tear that had leaked from her eye that punctuated her statement hadn't hurt her cause, either.

Captain Montgomery went for a different approach:

"_I swear to God, Beckett, if you even THINK of getting your ass out of that bed before your doctor says so, I will put you on professional leave and ban your sorry ass from the precinct for a month! Do you hear me!"_

As for where she would be staying when she managed to heal enough to leave the hospital, well, Castle left that up to the charm of his daughter and mother. He knew that Beckett had incredible soft-spots for the red-headed pair and it would be more difficult for her to say no with the two of them backing him. He didn't mind using them for good instead of evil.

The exchange happened two nights ago when he had Alexis and Martha visit. Alexis and Kate were playing a rousing game of Go Fish on her tiny bedside table while Martha filed her nails. Castle, meanwhile, just sipped on his coffee and watched and waited for his moment.

Beckett was losing horribly to Alexis but she didn't seem to care at all. She was sitting up in her hospital bed and she looked better than she had in days. She still grimaced at some movements and when she laughed, Castle could tell that it hurt, but she was careful not to let it scare his daughter.

He bit the bullet and prepared himself for Beckett's wrath as he took a deep breath and started speaking.

"So, is this what it's going to look like for the next few weeks?" He asked, light-heartedly. "You two are going to be leaving me out all the time?"

Kate looked up from her cards with a puzzled expression on her face. Thankfully, Alexis answered first.

"Nah, Dad. We'll let you watch movies with us sometimes, and you're going to be the one doing the cooking, of course." She smiled.

"I'm sorry, what?" Beckett asked. "I'm clearly missing something here." She looked toward Martha, who was the most bluntly honest one of the trio.

"Oh, Darling, Richard hasn't told you?" Martha asked, leaning forward and pressing her hand to Beckett's forearm. "You're going to be staying with us for a little while until you get back to full-health."

Castle cringed and prepared himself as he watched her eyebrows disappear into her hairline and she stared him down.

"Oh, am I?" Castle could swear her voice went up an octave. "That's interesting news." She nodded and gave a small smile to the ladies in the room. "Alexis; Martha, could you give us a second?"

"Uhh… sure…" Alexis put her cards down, went to stand and Martha joined her.

Castle was glad that she didn't have her gun, for he was sure that he would have been dead by now. He had the strong urge to flee the room and call Lanie for back-up but his daughter, once again, saved him.

"Detective Beckett, before you kill my Dad, just know that we all care a lot about you." She started. "When we heard you were hurt, we were so worried… and I know you keep saying you're fine, but you'll be more fine, faster, if you just come home with us and let us help you." Alexis said, staring at the Detective.

"One more thing, dear," Martha added, " Since you will need someone to look after you, It's either us, or we call your Dad home early to stay with you since your friends are working on that case. They won't let you leave the Hospital otherwise."

Alexis had softened the detective, but Martha struck the final chord in Beckett's mind. When Castle had told her that they were trying to contact her father, she had a minor meltdown and demanded they stop. The last thing she wanted to do was give him a reason to worry about her and she wanted to keep him in the "happy fishing bubble" he was currently in. The boys had reluctantly agreed and Beckett looked genuinely relieved at their decision.

Beckett's fury diminished and she looked at him with a look that said "Unfair, Castle."

"So, we going to finish this game, or what?" Kate asked Alexis who smiled big enough to light up the entire room and she happily returned to her seat.

He knew that she hadn't necessarily agreed but she didn't fight it either. She had resigned to a fight that she knew she just couldn't win. They hadn't spoken of the conversation since.

Beckett had made him go home the last two nights. She refused to sleep until he went back to the loft to sleep himself. She was concerned about his health, citing that he "Looked like crap." He couldn't say he disagreed.

When Castle had gotten home he had all intentions of going to sleep but he wound up staring at the city out of his study window. His mother came in and questioned him and he sighed in return.

"I don't know, Mother." He shook his head. "I feel like I should be happy that she's ok and she's going to be fine, but I can't help but think that this nightmare is far from over."

"Richard, Roy, Kevin and Javier are looking into the shooting. They'll find whoever did this." She reasoned.

"That's not what I mean." He responded, tearing his eyes away from the city to look at his Mother. "She gave up."

Martha looked puzzled at his words and he realized that he had switched topics to what was actually on his mind.

"Right there in the diner, Mother. She looked up at me and she gave up; asked me to take care of her Dad. I don't even know if she remembers it, but it haunts me." He sighed, "Every time I close my eyes, it haunts me."

"Oh, Richard." Martha cried, opening her arms for him and he gladly fell into them, feeling like a little boy again.

He had attempted to sleep after they parted, but to no avail. Every single time he shut his eyes he woke up with a start. His imagination was running away with him, and for the first time in many years, he didn't embrace that part of himself.

Pure exhaustion had put him on the couch in this hospital room, waiting for Beckett and Nurse Maureen to exit the bathroom where she was currently getting ready to be discharged. He, as well as Alexis and Martha, had been briefed on how to care for her wounds and when she should take medication by Dr. Howard hours before. Alexis and Martha had gone to fill prescriptions and return to the loft to make up the guestroom. Minutes after he awoke, Beckett exited, dressed comfortably and casually in a button-up shirt and sweatpants with NYPD printed vertically on one of the legs.

"Ready to go?" He asked, standing, offering a small smile.

"Absolutely. Never been more ready for anything in my life." She replied.

Castle grabbed her bag of clothes that Lanie had packed up for her and followed his limping and leaning detective out the door; the both of them thanking the nurse on the way out.

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**Click iitttt…. Please? I'm a little insecure about this one.**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Ok, well, I guess last chapter wasn't my strongest judged on the number of reviews and such. I'm sorry about that, but guess what? We're picking up the pace big time, my friends. This one is super long and totally action packed (that's what she said?). You'll recognize a lot of this from Knockdown, but I did it on my terms and you'll see what I mean. I'm also switching my camera angles from Character to Character. Basically what I mean by that is that the narrator's voice is going to be following one character's actions at a time; whoever I feel is the most important. Let me know what you think, please?**_

_**Oh, and don't worry, the Castle/Beckett stuff is coming up. I just need to get them caught up with the story-telling. Shutting up! ON WITH IT….**_

_**Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would have let everyone see Countdown (part 2) by now.**_

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**_Dr. Lanie Parish prided herself on being a cool-headed person. However, as of this moment, she was certifiably freaking-the-hell-out. She had been on the phone with her boyfriend/colleague to tell him about something she had found on Raglan's body when her freak-out began. She knew they had found the hit-man that had gotten Raglan and Kate and they were currently tracking down a lead using a name they had gotten out of an illegal pharmacist. She didn't know, however, what the hell had happened on the other end of the phone call she had just been disconnected from. She heard Ryan's shout followed by a loud bang before the call had disconnected.

Lanie stared at her cell phone for a half of a second before dialing Captain Montgomery's number. She tried his office; she tried his cell; and finally had gotten out of Karpowski that he was briefing the Mayor and wouldn't be back for hours. She had told Karpowski what was happening and she assured Lanie that she would look into it.

Lanie was pacing the morgue. It wasn't enough to just "look into it." She knew she shouldn't do it; she knew better than to make the call she was about to make; but her new-found love clouded her judgment and fogged her brain and drove her to a place that made her irrational. So, she picked up her cell again, and dialed.

* * *

Kate Beckett hated being idle. It was the afternoon and she was sitting sprawled out on Castle's couch reading Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird." She had always loved that book and had not reread it in years. So, she selected it off of Castle's bookshelf and settled in, attempting to remain as still as possible to avoid the pain she felt in her side.

She had stopped at her apartment with her shadow in tow to grab some more essentials and her badge and spare service pistol. Castle had given her a long lecture about not needing them, but the truth was she just didn't feel complete without them these days.

The short trip had left her extremely exhausted and she wound up falling asleep as they headed to Castle's loft. When they arrived they spent the majority of the day in separate corners. Alexis and Martha had gone on some sort of shopping trip and Castle was being surprisingly distant. The only exception was when he appeared to force her to eat and take her pain medication. She would have loved to refuse the white pills, but he wouldn't let her. Deep down she knew she needed them. As the hours of the medication rolled on, the searing pain in side became white-hot and almost unbearable. It was nearing the time where Castle would appear again with pills in hand when her Cell next to her came to life with a shrill ring.

* * *

Richard Castle was avoiding. Over the past few days, his relief that his detective was all right gave way to feelings of unwarranted guilt and blind panic when she so much as flinched.

He was sitting in his office secretly watching her read through an empty slot on his bookshelf and playing with a Yo-Yo simultaneously. He got up to grab her pill bottle when her phone rang and her voice wafted into his study.

"Hey, Lanie." She answered, dropping her normal "Beckett" answer. "Whoa, whoa, Lanie, Slow down."

Castle's interest was piqued as he stepped out into his living-room and noticed Kate's panicked expression. He knew better than to interrupt and ask, so he just stood observing.

"Lanie, I need you to tell me _exactly _what happened and what you heard." She paused for her friend's answer, "Okay, okay, Lanie, listen to me, I'm going to take care of this."

Beckett looked up at Castle and mouthed "Laptop, NOW." He turned and went to retrieve what she was asking for. He knew better than to question her when she wore the expression she was currently sporting.

He didn't hear the rest of the conversation with Lanie. By the time he returned, laptop in hand, she was calling in her badge number and requesting a trace on Ryan and Esposito's phones.

"Beckett, what the hell is going on?" He asked, setting the laptop into her awaiting hands.

"It's the boys." She sighed, typing with both hands as she held the phone between her ear and shoulder. "They were attacked; Lanie was on the phone with them when it happened and Montgomery is out of touch at the moment."

Castle froze and was rendered speechless as Beckett returned her attention to the man on the phone. She thanked him, hung up, and went back to typing furiously.

"What are you doing?" Castle asked.

"Ryan is one of those cops that documents everything. So, I'm hacking into Ryan's computer at the precinct."

"WHAT!" He squeaked, "You're allowed to do that?"

"No," She replied, still typing, "but they might be running out of time and they're in this because of me. I'm not letting them down."

Castle didn't have a chance to speak again before her eyes light up at the screen.

"I'm in. It looks like they were investigating a woman named Joelle in Brooklyn." She rambled. "There were two women that matched the description. One lived where they were last seen, the other across town." She replied, standing gingerly. "Let's go, Castle."

"Kate, don't you think you should report this?" He asked, following her as she pulled on a pair of Converse Chuck Taylor's.

"To who, Castle?" She looked up, "If we call in too many reinforcements, we could spook whoever has them… We'd be signing their death warrant."

Castle considered this for a moment. She had to be in terrible pain. The medication only last four hours at a time and it was four hours, almost. He struggled for a moment before making his decision.

"Well, then." He sighed. "Let's get moving."

He pocketed Kate's bottle of pills and moved for his coat and hers. He walked over to her, looked into her eyes, and helped her, very carefully, into her coat. He hated this. He knew that they shouldn't be doing this – that she wasn't well enough to be doing this-but he had a feeling that Beckett would do this with or without his help and he wasn't letting her out of his sight.

* * *

Their present situation was an interesting one. They were peering down a long alleyway while sitting in Castle's BMW. Beckett knew his tongue had almost fallen out of his head when she suggested he drive, but the truth was, she just didn't trust herself to drive with residual pain medication in her system.

They had gone to Joelle's apartment and Castle had been smart enough to suggest tracking her recent phone calls, which brought them here.

"That gut will spot a SWAT team from a mile away." Beckett said, shaking her head.

Castle sat next to her studying her face. She was pale and developing dark circles under both of her eyes. He also saw the slightest bit of moisture at her hairline; all indicators that her pain level was increasing. He also noticed she had been carrying herself differently. Instead of the tall, straight posture she normally maintained, she was leaning slightly to her left as if to relieve some of the pressure on her ribs by compressing them together.

She knew he was worried, but he had respected her wishes thus far. She needed to do this. In her mind, it was her fault they were all in this mess and by God, she was going to fix it.

"I'm open to dumb ideas here, Castle"

"Good, because I've got one."

They didn't waste a second. They exited his car quickly and she leaned heavily on his side, a small gasp of pain traitorously escaping her lips as she leaned over.

Their gazes were cautiously focused on the leather-clad man in front of them staring them down.

"He's not buying it, Castle." She faked a giggle, and reached for the pistol on her hip.

What happened next will confuse Katherine Beckett for the rest of her life. She felt him swat her hand away from her gun and grab her so that she faced him. The feeling of lips on hers took her breath away. The patched hole in her lung burned with pain and she knew she was supposed to be focusing but she just couldn't bring herself to care about either of those things. She was so startled that she broke the contact and looked into his face. She saw fear; she saw hesitation; but it was the blind devotion that made her reconnect her lips to his.

She was blinking furiously to try to keep her eyes on the guard instead of sliding closed like she so desperately wanted. She ran her hands up his spine and they landed in his hair. His hand was caressing her lower-back gently and the pain that she had felt since the shooting disappeared. The combination of the two sent a small, satisfied, "mmm" up her throat and into his mouth. The small chuckle from the security guard that she was _supposed_ to be paying attention to was the only thing that snapped her back into reality.

Forgetting about her side, she spun hard, spinning herself and Castle around while simultaneously grabbing her glock. She brought the butt of her gun down hard on the man's head and immediately doubled over as a searing pain hit her like a freight train.

"Kate!" Castle whispered fearfully, reaching out for her.

"I'm fine. I'm good." She replied, standing up tall again. She knew she was lying. She knew she had, at the very least, pulled a few stitches and she felt the trickle of warm blood form a trail beneath her shirt and overcoat.

"Just took me by surprise, is all." She turned to look towards the building.

"That was amazing…" Castle murmured and she turned at blinked at him. "The way you knocked him out, I mean."

"Let's go… yeah…" She trailed off, moving toward the entrance.

Kate Beckett wasn't stupid. She knew he meant something more than that, but this wasn't the time or the place for that conversation, so she turned her attention elsewhere.

"Stay behind me, Castle… I mean it" She commanded, "and don't get yourself shot ok?"

He nodded, swallowing heavily, and followed.

* * *

The minutes that followed baffled Castle. She moved with grace and speed as they entered the building. They could hear muffled shouting coming from Ryan and Esposito. Beckett signaled him over to the opposite side of the warehouse before she went in, gun blazing.

He watched her move and take aim at the people that were harming her friends. She was almost elegant with her movements and he didn't know how she maintained the control after all her body had been through.

She ducked behind a fork-lift to reload her weapon when Castle saw the final man with the gun take aim at her. He studied the man's movements and saw him squeeze the trigger and give a slight smile.

Panic swept through as all of the nerves in his body went alight at once. He could recall the feel of her lips on his and how it felt to finally kiss her and he leapt from his position onto the armed man.

Without realizing what he was doing, the fury from the past few days roared from him straight into the man's face in the form of his right fist. Once, Twice, Three times and he stopped and stared down at what he'd done. The lack of regret was what frightened him the most.

"You okay, Castle?" Beckett asked, he hadn't even heard her coming.

"Huh? Yeah, never better." He looked up.

* * *

Castle was sitting alone in the ambulance where a nameless EMT had just wrapped his hand rather poorly. Kate said she would come find him, but she still hadn't come by. He stepped down off of the back of the bus and looked around. A few yards away there was another ambulance parked with its bay doors open. He approached it slowly and heard her voice tinted with anger.

"Just stitch it, or glue it, or patch it! Just do whatever the hell you have to do to get me out of here and back to work so I can STOP working like you've just told me to!"

Castle rounded the corner and paled at the sight. Kate was half sitting, half lying, on a stretcher and her shirt was pulled up and her coat was discarded. She was bleeding again and the EMT was cleaning her up.

"Kate, what the hell?" Castle shouted, jumping into the ambulance.

"Castle, it's none of your concern, I'm fine."

"Fine?" You call this Fine?" He gestured to her bleeding wound. "If you call this "fine" I hate to see what "not-fine" is."

Before she could answer, a new voice entered his ears.

"Castle, a word, please." Roy Montgomery startled him out of his rage.

"Yes, sir." Castle stepped out and shot one last glare at Beckett on his way out.

They reached a secluded area between emergency vehicles and The Captain turned toward him and shook his hand.

"I'm damn proud to have you part of my team, Castle," He said. "but if you tell anybody that I'll deny it."

"Yes, sir," Castle smiled, "How are Ryan and Esposito."

"Mild cases of hypothermia. They'll both be fine. However, I'm worried about Beckett." He stated. "I am trusting you, Castle, to keep her out of my precinct until she is healed. Do you understand me?"

"Loud and clear, sir." Castle replied as Montgomery walked back the ambulance Beckett was occupying.

When Castle followed him, he waited on the ground instead of following Montgomery up into the ambulance. The EMT was fixing her pulled stitches and putting a new bandage on the area.

"Detective Beckett," he stood in front of her, "I do not need to tell you how incredibly foolish you have been tonight considering your medical condition." Beckett looked down for a second before looking back into the face of her mentor and boss.

"Yes, sir."

"And I also don't need to tell you that you could have compromised your life as well as the lives of your entire team."

"No, sir, you don't."

"However, you and Castle here did a damn fine job and saved the lives of Detectives Ryan and Esposito. In addition to that, you put a murderer behind bars and upheld the reputation of the NYPD." He added. "I am going to look past all the rules that you broke to get to this point, and it's a LOT of rules, but if you EVER pull a stunt like this again, I WILL have your badge. I don't know what I'll take from you, Castle, but it WILL be something important."

"Yes, sir." They replied simultaneously.

"Now, go home," He said, "and I don't want to see either of you for at least two weeks." He didn't leave room for argument and he just turned and left.

Beckett and Castle looked at one another. Now, what the hell were they supposed to do for two weeks?

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_**CLICK ITTTTT, Please?**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Okay, emotional stuff is coming, I promise. I hope you all enjoy this and I hope you continue to let me know what you think. It really does inspire me and make me write faster. Please drop me a line if you're still reading this garbage.**_

_**I'm going to try to have another chapter or two up before Countdown on Monday night.**_

_**On with it, and I don't own Castle…

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Richard Castle was pissed off. He sat with her for over an hour in the back of a FDNY ambulance as the EMT worked on her. Eventually, Dr. Lanie Parish strutted up into the compartment.

"Girl, what in the hell did you do to yourself?" she asked, looking at Beckett's oozing wound.

"Umm… Would you believe me if I said 'Nothing'?" Beckett asked.

"Hell, no. You tore those stitches wide open." Lanie shook her head. "You're lucky you didn't damage anything on the inside." She looked to the EMT for confirmation and the young man nodded.

"I know, Lanie," she looked at her friend, "but I did what I had to, and I don't regret anything about tonight.

"_Anything?" _Castle thought.

Lanie approached the EMT and told him that she would finish her friend's patch-job and examination. Lanie worked thoroughly and swiftly. Castle waited on the steps of the ambulance but lost his patience, got up, and began to pace. He shoved his hands into his pockets and landed on Kate's forgotten pain meds.

He leapt up into the ambulance, startling Lanie in the process.

"Jesus, Castle! You could give a girl a little warning. I _am_ working with a needle here."

"Pain pills, Lanie." He presented, still avoiding Beckett's steady gaze. He was having a hard time looking at her.

"Thanks, Castle." Lanie relaxed.

"Yeah, no problem."

"No… What I mean is Thank You. Thank you for helping to get to Javi and Ryan." She looked at him sheepishly for a moment before grabbing him into a hug. She whispered into his ear, "Now, take care of my girl."

"Yeah, I will." He whispered back, giving Lanie a gentle squeeze, before letting her go back to work.

When they broke apart, Lanie turned to face Beckett whose eyes were shut and she looked as if she was trying to concentrate on breathing.

"As for you… girl, you just stupid."

Beckett's eyes snapped open and her mouth fell ajar as she focused on Lanie.

"Wha-?" Lanie cut her off.

"That was the stupidest and bravest thing you ever could have done. I expected you to storm the mayor's office, call the Nation Guard, but never go out and finish this yourself. It was stupid to put your already wrecked body through this, but I can't tell you how thankful I am for you, Kate."

Lanie looked on as Kate closed her mouth into a small smile and a mist formed over her eyes.

"Now, don't get all sappy on me." She commanded. "Let's finish up here so we can all go home."

Castle went back to being pissed sitting in the cool New York City night air. _How could she be so cavalier with her life? Why didn't she tell him about all the bleeding? They were, after all, partners… Weren't they?_

He sighed as he stood again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lanie helping Beckett into her coat. When it was buttoned, they both stepped down off of that ambulance, Beckett leaning heavily on Lanie. As he noticed the extreme exhaustion and pain etched into the lines on her face, his anger melted away and only concern remained.

"Okay, your breath sounds are nice and equal and sounding good on both sides. The only pain you are experiencing seems to be from the wounds, so you should be okay." Lanie explained. "You know I'd rather have you in a hospital for the night, but since you assure me you are "fine" and you are refusing both me and the EMT, going home with Castle is going to be it, I guess."

"Castle, if she so much as coughs in a way that you don't like, you call me or an ambulance." She said, turning towards him.

"You got it, Lanie." Anger was creeping back again; _she should be more responsible than refusing treatment._

"Thank you, Lanie." Beckett rasped weakly.

"Anytime. I'll be by to see you and check on you soon." Lanie smiled.

"Say hello to Esposito for me, okay?" Beckett added.

Lanie nodded, squeezed her friend's hand and walked away, winking at Castle on the way by.

There they stood, facing one another, neither having the works to start a conversation. Castle sighed and stuck out his arm.

"Come on, lean on me, and we'll go to the car."

"Okay." Beckett replied and leaned into him. "How's your hand?" she asked, examining the bandage.

"Excruciating."

The car ride was quiet. Castle drove through the bridges and streets of the boroughs of New York City. Kate's eyes had slid shut minutes into the trip, leaving Castle alone with his overactive imagination. He had to keep glancing over to make sure her chest was still rising and falling gently; which it always was.

When he pulled into his designated spot in his underground parking garage, he was relieved that he wouldn't have to wake her when her eyes fluttered open at the lack of movement.

"We here?" she asked, groggily.

"Yeah." He replied. "Let me come around and get you."

"I'm fine, Castle, you don't have to do that." She responded

"Tough," he barked. "Stay put before you hurt yourself anymore, Beckett."

Beckett looked at him with her eyebrows knitted together. He had been very gruff with her since the warehouse and before that, he had all but avoided her at the loft. Instead of broaching the subject, she gave in to her exhaustion and waited for him to come around to the other side of the car.

Castle opened the door and helped her out of the passenger seat. As she stood, she faltered slightly and he looked at her, worriedly.

"Just the pain meds making me a little dizzy. I'm fine, Castle."

"Sure." He replied, curtly. "Come on, let's go."

They walked to the elevator and rode up to his floor in a tense silence. Beckett had never seen him like this. She was certain he was upset with her, but she couldn't for the life of her, figure out why. When they reached the entrance to the loft the door swung open violently, making them both take a quick step back. Beckett immediately regretted the motion, grunting softly.

"Where have you been?" Alexis appeared with her hands on her hips.

"Sweetheart…." Castle started.

"No! You know better than taking Detective Beckett out like this, Dad!" Alexis raged on. "What could you possibly been doing out after she'd been shot?"

"Alexis," Beckett cut in before Castle could defend himself. "This is my fault. Your Dad tried to get me to stay, but Esposito and Ryan were in trouble." She explained. "Without your Dad, they would have been killed."

"Oh my God." Alexis gasped, moving aside to let the pair in and Martha joined them. "But they're ok, right?"

"They're fine, Pumpkin." Castle replied, setting Kate on the couch and returned to Alexis to give her a hug. "However, Detective Beckett, here, pulled nearly all of her stitches out and is banned from the precinct for two weeks."

"Richard, what happened to your hand?" Martha asked.

"I punched a hit-man… three times."

"And saved my life in the process." Beckett added, her head leaning against the back of the couch.

"Kate, dear, you look dreadful." Martha stated, sitting next to the brunette, putting a hand on hers.

"Thanks, Martha." Beckett smiled, looking at her. "Really, though, I'm fine; just tired and sore."

"Alexis, honey, can you help Detective Beckett upstairs and help her get comfortable?" Castle asked. "I'll be up in a minute."

He didn't wait for an answer, or glance at Beckett, before walking into his study, shutting the door, and flopping into his desk chair with his head in his hands. He needed to calm himself down. He was halfway between breaking down and crying and throwing a fit and screaming at his detective. He was sick and tired of hearing about how "fine" she was. She wasn't _fine_ and telling everyone she was just pissed him off more and more. He knew it was irrational to feel this angry at her; that it was just Beckett's knee-jerk reaction to protect her loved ones, but he couldn't help himself. The wound was still so raw and painful on his heart. Watching her slip out of consciousness from nearly bleeding to death; watching as she doubled over in pain; watching the blood leak from her torn stitches; all of these images were torturing his writer's brain and making scenarios that didn't happen appear in his imagination. If there were a way to turn off his brain, he would gladly take it.

The knock on his door didn't surprise him at all. He knew someone would eventually follow him to see what was wrong. When the door opened, his mother came in and sat on the chair in front of his desk.

"Richard, what's wrong?" She asked, gently.

"What isn't wrong, Mother?" He looked up.

"You're all fine, Richard, and you caught the man that did this to all of you." She reasoned. "I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

"I kissed her." He stated, out of the blue. At Martha's startled look, he continued. "It was supposed to just be a cover, a distraction to get into the building. It was supposed to mean nothing."

"But it didn't mean nothing, did it?" Martha finished for him.

"No… and it scares the hell out of me." He replied. "and I'm so God damn mad at her for letting her health take the backseat." He shook his head, "She lost another bunch of blood from those stitches and didn't even tell me until I found her in the back of an ambulance."

"She can tell, you know." Martha got up to move behind him and lay a hand on his back. "She knows you're upset but I don't think she knows what to do about it."

There was something incredibly soothing and comforting about his mother rubbing slow circles across his shoulder blades and he breathed a sigh of relaxation.

"Let me tell you what kind of woman Kate Beckett is, Richard." Martha stepped back to look at him. "She's a protector. She protects the people she cares about even if it means suffering herself. She's also independent to a fault. She's afraid to need anyone because of the amount of people that have either left her, or have been taken from her." Martha continued, "I think you need to remember that Kate Beckett doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve like you do, Richard."

He got the message loud and clear. He stood and hugged his mother.

"Thanks, Mother."

"Anytime, now go up those stairs and check on her." Martha commanded.

"Right… going." Castle replied, walking to the opposite side of the apartment and up the stairs on the far side.

* * *

Click Ittt, Please?


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: WHOA! I almost didn't make it before the NEW Castle tonight. I'm affectionately naming this chapter "The Chapter that Didn't Want to End." There were about a thousand places I could have stopped in here, but I just didn't want to wait to get to the end scene that I wrote. We might go a liiiitttllleee of out character at the end, but what do we really know about KB and her personal relationships? Basically nothing, so I'm making it up. **_

_**Okay, well I hope that you let me know how you like this chapter. I really appreciate your reviews. I have big plans for the next chapter. I'm thinking we need to see all this pent up anger Castle's got going on. **_

_**Anyway, enjoy Countdown tonight. I know I will.**_

_**Don't own 'em:

* * *

**_

Three pairs of eyes turned and watched Richard Castle exit the room swiftly. Beckett sighed and leaned her head back against the couch once more Beckett knew he was mad at her for something. She wasn't exactly sure what it was, however. It could be the amount of reckless behavior she had displayed over the last twelve hours; it could be that she wasn't exactly taking care of herself; it could be that she wasn't truthful with him at the warehouse; it could be that he didn't want to deal with a detective-in-repair. She just didn't know.

Alexis and Martha shared a look of concern between the two of them. A shaky breath from the detective broke their gaze as they turned towards the sound.

"Do you mind helping me up, Lex?" Beckett asked, lifting up her head and looking at the teenager with uncertainty.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Alexis moved forward and put her hands out in front of her.

When Beckett managed to get to her feet with some help and difficulty, she swayed and she felt Martha behind her, grabbing her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Beckett apologized. "The adrenaline is wearing off and I'm really starting to feel all of the stupid things I did today."

"Dear, there is no need to apologize." Martha admonished. "You need to get some rest, you have to be exhausted."

"Yeah…" Beckett trailed off, shooting a look at the door into Castle's office.

"Don't worry about him." Martha read her mind. "He'll come around." She smiled. "Alexis, why don't you help our dear detective upstairs?"

"Sure." Alexis responded. "Come on, Detective Beckett."

"Please, Alexis, its Kate." She smiled. "If we're going to be under the same roof for a little while; there's no need for the formalities."

The pair made it slowly across the room and up the stairs as Martha watched on. When they were safely at the top, she turned and made her way to Richard's office door.

"Can we stop for a second, Lex?" Beckett asked, leaning on the wall next to the staircase.

Dark spots were swimming in her vision as she leaned her back against the wall. Her lungs burned and her ribs ached and if she could have avoided it, she would have stopped breathing all together to avoid the sensation. She looked at the floor for a second before Alexis's hands were on her shoulders and the young woman was trying to look into her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Alexis's voice was tinged with panic. "Do you want me to call Dad or Gram?"

"No, no. I'm fine." Beckett replied, looking up. "My ribs just really hurt and breathing isn't exactly fun at the moment."

Beckett squared her shoulders as much as she could and leaned back onto Alexis.

"Ok, I'm good." She smiled at the teenager. "Lead on, MacDuff."

"Shakespeare;" Alexis chuckled, "Nice."

* * *

Alexis deposited her on the guest bed and went about grabbing the duffle bag that they had packed earlier in the day.

"What do you feel like wearing?" Alexis asked.

"Just my lounge pants and something I don't have to pull over my head."

"Ok, well I've got lounge pants…" Alexis trailed off. "There's nothing in here that you can button up. Just wait here a second, I'll grab one of Dad's oxfords."

Before Beckett could protest, Alexis was out the door of the bedroom. She looked around at the tasteful art and the warm earth-tones of the walls. It was surprisingly modest for the likes of Richard Castle. However, over the few years she had worked with him, there were few things that _didn't _surprise her about his private life. She was under the impression for a long time that whatever she saw on page 6 in the New York Post was the true Richard Castle. She had been delightfully mistaken.

She reluctantly stood again and changed into the pants that Alexis had left out and entered the adjacent bathroom. She gazed into the mirror and couldn't believe what she saw. Martha was right; she looked like hell. There were dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks looked hollowed. Her skin was a shade of gray that screamed of someone that was ill. She was startled from her appraisal from Alexis's knock on the door.

"Detect… I mean, Kate. I have that shirt."

"Thanks, Alexis." Beckett opened the door and took the shirt from the girl.

"Umm… Kate…"

"Yeah?"

"I think you need to change that bandage."

"Huh?" Kate looked down at her shirt and saw that some residual bleeding had seeped through. "Oh, damn it." She sighed. She really hated her life right now. "Do you think you could give me a hand?"

"Yeah, sure." Alexis smiled, gently, directing Kate to lean on the edge of the sink.

The whole thing was incredibly uncomfortable for Kate Beckett. There was Castle's daughter helping her out of her shirt and changing a bandage that was the result of putting her father in danger…. Twice. She was constantly amazed by Alexis Castle. Kate studied the girl as she worked. She was meticulous and gentle and not in the least squeamish.

"Do you have a nursing degree I should know about?" Kate questioned.

"Ha, no." Alexis laughed. "In case you haven't noticed, my Dad isn't the most careful guy around."

"No kidding."

"Well, he's had more injuries and stitches then I'm sure he cares to talk about or admit to. I've changed a million of his bandages. None quite like this though." Alexis looked at her grimly. "All done."

"Thank you, Alexis." Kate replied, slipping into Castle's shirt and buttoning it up.

They both exited the bathroom and Alexis pulled back the covers on the bed before helping Kate slip in. As she settled into a position that didn't bother her ribs, the full weight of the last week began to crash down. She hadn't had time to really absorb all the events of the past week. Raglan's phone call. Raglan's confession. Raglan's subsequent murder. Bleeding on the floor of the diner in Castle's arms. The hospital. The kiss. She suddenly felt the urge to burst into tears, but she fought it off as Alexis said goodnight.

Alexis had reached for the light on her way out but bumped into her father in the process.

"I'll do it, pumpkin." He smiled, gathering her into a hug, juggling a glass of water.

"Good night, Dad, Kate." She smiled and headed down the hallway.

Beckett was staring at him and he was staring right back. He walked over and sat next to her leg on the bed.

"Doing okay?" he asked.

"Fine." She smiled. "Looking forward to some sleep."

"Yeah. Here's your medication." He held out his hand with two white pills in his palm and handed her a glass from his other hand.

He watched on as she gently swallowed the pills and placed the glass on the side table with a wince.

"Thank you, Castle" She stated. "For everything these last few days. You saved my life more than once."

"You should know by now that I would do anything for you, Kate." He smiled.

Beckett had no response for him. She nodded and smiled but her mind went back to the kiss they had shared. She didn't know if it was just a distraction or not. She thought it best not to bring it up at all.

"That shirt looks good on you." He smiled, brightly. The sight of her in his clothing when he walked through the door made his heart skip a beat. He didn't think it possible, but she got even more beautiful to him at that moment.

"Thanks, Castle. I'll wash it when I'm done." She replied, nervously playing with one of the buttons at the top of the shirt.

He nodded but all he could think of was that he didn't want her to wash it. As creepy as it sounded, he wanted to put it, exactly as it was, on a hanger in his closet to be forever known as "The Shirt that Kate Beckett Wore."

"Okay…" Castle stood and looked down at her. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

Richard Castle wasn't one for self-restraint but he practiced the art religiously when it came to Kate Beckett. He couldn't control himself this time, though. Not after all they had gone through these past few days. He stepped forward, leaned down, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

He leaned back and smiled. To his delight she returned it and her eyes sleepily slid shut. He turned and flicked the light off, shut the door and sighed. _Crap, _he thought. He had it bad for Kate Beckett.

* * *

"_Castle!" A voice called in the distance. "CASTLE!"_

_He looked up into the grim-faced Javier Esposito._

"_You have to let her go now, man." He said. "They have to take her. There are… things that need to be done."_

"_What? What are you talking about? Where are they taking her?" He asked looking up at the man._

"_The Morgue, Castle. You need to let her go."_

_He looked down at the face of Kate Beckett in his arms. Her eyes were closed and she was gray. They were back on the floor of the diner and her blood was leaking onto his Armani pants._

"_No, she's alive!" Castle shouted. "She has to be alive."_

_He reached down and put two fingers to her neck and felt the ice cold skin completely still against his hand._

"_No…"_

"_I'm sorry, Castle, but they need to take her now. She's gone."_

"_No, No. I can't lose her. I need her." He murmured. "Kate, wake up. Kate!" He looked around at Esposito, Ryan, Montgomery, and Lanie. "Why aren't you doing anything! Why aren't you trying to help her?" He screamed at them._

"_Castle, you're too late." Esposito stated, bending down. "She's dead."_

Castle woke with a start, studying his surroundings. He was in his bedroom and it was still dark outside. He checked the clock and realized he had only been asleep for two hours.

"Fuck." He sighed.

Castle let his bare feet hit the floor as he sat on the edge of his bed. He slid his hands through his hair and cradled his head in his hands. He thought back on the last few days and wondered if they had actually happened the way his tired brain thought they did. He was suddenly swept with an overwhelming sense of panic. He wasn't sure what was a dream and what was reality in that moment. He leapt out of bed, out of his bedroom, and up the stairs of his loft two-by-two. He crashed through the door of his guest bedroom and nearly wept at the sight.

There she was; Kate Beckett sleeping peacefully in his guest bed. He dragged the chair from the corner of the room to her right side. He sat down and watched her breathe and he let a few stray tears fall.

* * *

The next time she woke, she felt a comfortable warm pressure on her right hand. She took a deep breath and hitched at the top of it. She forgot not to breathe deeply. As she carefully let the air she had gulped in out slowly, she felt the pressure on her hand increase. She allowed her eyes to slide open and focus on the figure sitting next to the bed, leaning forward in the dark.

"Castle?" She whispered, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He whispered back. "Just go back to sleep."

"Are you okay?" She asked, waking up a bit more due to her concern.

"Yeah, just go back to sleep, you need to rest."

"So do you, Castle." She murmured. "You haven't been sleeping, have you?"She asked, putting the puzzle pieces of his behavior and appearance together in her head.

"I've been sleeping."

"Yeah, but not enough."

"Don't worry about me, Kate." He sighed, "You need to get better."

"You're having nightmares, aren't you?" She asked quietly, looking into his eyes as he faltered slightly.

"How did—?"

"I'm a detective, Castle… I detect." She gave a small smirk and once again turned serious. "What are they about? It helps if you talk about them."

Sensing that she wouldn't go back to sleep or drop this line of questioning he reluctantly told her.

"They're always the same." He sighed, gripping her hand. "We're always in the diner… and it always ends in a way that is, shall we say, less than favorable for the both of us."

He wasn't looking at her anymore and she could tell he was both haunted by the dreams and embarrassed by the way they were affecting him. He was dreaming about her dying and a wave of guilt washed over her. She wished there was something that she could do. The truth was she didn't know how to make them stop. She still had nightmares about some cases, especially her mother's.

"Oh, Castle. I'm so sorry I brought you into this."

"I don't want you to be sorry, Beckett." He snapped.

She looked at him and his tired eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and that was probably the truth. She pulled her hand from his grip and carefully, painfully, scooted over into the center of the bed. He was looking at her with a confused and hurt expression. She could tell that he didn't understand the distance she was putting between them. She was about to do something completely uncharacteristic of the Kate Beckett he knew. She was going to show a side of her that she kept just for herself and the people that she decided to let completely in on a more… intimate level.

"Come on, Castle." She said, patting the space that she had created beside her.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Look, you and I both need to sleep. We're exhausted and in pain, albeit in different ways, but we need to rest. We both also know that you aren't going to sleep unless you're in this room, and I'm not going to sleep if you go back downstairs, because all I will be thinking about is you fighting off nightmares." She reasoned. "So, get in, and if you try anything funny, even on painkillers, I'm still capable of breaking your arm."

He smiled at her and hesitated, weighing his options.

"I don't want to hurt you." He whispered, his thoughts slipping out of his tired mind.

"You won't, Rick." She smiled, sadly. "I'm here, and I'm alive. I'm going to stay that way, I promise."

He didn't realize how much he needed to hear those words until she said them. He slid into bed next to her and relished in the warmth that the covers, and present company, provided. He sighed and turned to face her completely. He leaned up on his elbow to look at her and smiled ironically.

"This isn't quite how I'd imagined this moment for either of us."

"Easy, Castle." She scolded. "Sleep only."

"As you wish." He lay back down and cautiously slid his arm around her shoulder. When she leaned against him slightly, he felt as if his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was sure she could hear it and was about to kick him out, but she surprised him again.

"Go to sleep, Rick." She sighed, falling asleep herself. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah. You, too." He responded, feeling exhaustion taking over his mind and body. The last thing he did, though, was place a gentle kiss to her hairline as he heard her breathing even out. He fell asleep shortly after to the glorious sound of her breathing.


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN: Anyone see Beckett give up in the Freezer in Countdown? I totally wrote that… well, after Andrew Marlowe, but still. I thought the episode was epic. That bomb scene could not have been written any other way for this show. It just screamed "CASTLE" Oh, By the Way, Josh, while very tall and hot, REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I hope he's gone soon….**_

_**Anyway, this chapter is where the proverbial shit hits the fan and I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you thought, please. :)**_

_**I'll try to get more up soon, I could use some inspiration and encouragement… wink wink**_

_**Don't own 'em

* * *

**_

When Castle woke up, light was streaming into the windows of his loft. The events of last night flooded back to him as he felt a warm pressure on his shoulder and chest. He smiled and looked down at the sleeping form of Kate Beckett, lying on her side, with her on his shoulder and hand on his chest. He didn't know why but he always knew she would be a cuddler. He could smell the scent of cherries from her hair and he felt a sense of longing wash over him. He longed to wake up like this every day.

He looked at the bedside clock and it read 11:30. He was surprised to say the least, but with the amount of exhaustion that the pair felt, he knew they needed it. Castle felt her stir against him and shift slightly. Her eyes sprung open and she clutched her left side.

"Kate?" He asked "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine." She gasped "I just shouldn't move…. Ever."

_Fine_. There was that word again. Rage filled him as he rolled away from her to retrieve the pain pills from across the room.

"You're not fine, Beckett." Her name came out as a growl and he handed her the white pills.

"I don't need those, Castle." She held up a hand as she propped herself up against the headboard very gingerly.

"The hell you don't." He replied, "You're going to take them."

"Excuse me?" Her eyebrows, if not attached, would have sky rocketed off of her head.

"You heard me, Beckett."

"Castle, I don't know what's going on with you, but just because I'm being forced to stay here doesn't mean you get to treat me like an infant or an invalid."

He knew he was venturing into dangerous waters and that he should turn back immediately, but the irrational side of his brain won over. He was done with dancing around his emotions. He had been on the verge of exploding for days and she had just lit the fuse.

"So, how _am_ I supposed to treat you, Beckett?" He raged on, standing over her. "Like a woman who nearly got herself killed three times in the last five days?"

"If you think my plan was to get shot, you're an idiot, Castle." She huffed, trying not to raise her voice.

"No, I don't think it was your plan, but you sure didn't fight it much!" He yelled.

He watched a look of shock and hurt cast a shadow over her face.

"What the hell are you talking about, Castle?"

"The diner, Beckett. That's what I'm talking about." He shouted. "Telling me to take care of your Dad? You were giving up! You were just letting yourself die!" He studied her for a second as she said nothing. "What, do you think I wouldn't notice? Wouldn't care? Which one is it, Beckett?... I thought you were a fighter; strong; and you just gave up and put it all on me."

"Castle…" She started.

"No, you don't get to reason with me." He cut her off. "and after all of that, you drag me off and almost get yourself killed twice more! You rip the stitches right out of your side and you lie to me about it."

"Rick, Please." He voice was quiet now and she was looking at her hands.

"You just say you're "Fine." You've said it probably a hundred times and guess what? No one believes you! You try to save everyone…" He lowered his voice. "Everyone but yourself and here I am watching. Did you even think about that? How we would all feel if you _actually _succeeded in getting yourself killed?"

"That's not—" She tried

"I mean for God's sake, I'm having nightmares because of you, Kate!" He yelled again. "You just die… right there, in my arms, and every time I wake up, just for a second, it's real and I panic."

She looked like a deer-in-headlights in front of him. She felt incredibly guilty sitting there, in his guest bed, being the one that caused him so much pain and turmoil in the past few days. She felt her eyes filling up like they had last night.

She hadn't given much thought to what she had said to him on the dingy floor of the diner. Now that she was thinking about it, she remembered the look on his face. She flashes back to the tear that leaks out of his eye and the ghostly-pale pallor of his face.

"I'm so sorry, Rick." She whispers, staring at her hands.

"Damn it, Kate." He shakes his head at her, "I don't want you to be sorry. I told you that."

"Then what do you want?" She asks looking up at him for the first time in minutes. "Do you want me to beg and plead for forgiveness? Do you want me to tell you how I thought I was going to die? That I was absolutely terrified and I was just facing my fate? That, in that moment, I was _glad_ that it hit me and not you?" She rambles on, ignoring the pain that breathing this way is causing. "Do you want me to tell you that I went after Esposito and Ryan because I value their lives more than my own? That I wish I could have made you stay here because I didn't want you to walk into the trap, too? Do you want me to tell you that every single time we go out into the field I worry about what will happen to Alexis and Martha if I get you killed?"

It's Castle's turn to be dumbfounded. He steps back at her verbal assault, and absorbs all of her words completely. He watches her as she tears up and wipes them away in a fury. He hadn't thought about what it was like from her side. He was blinded by his guilt and selfishness once again.

"What the hell do you want from me, Rick?" she cries.

Before he can start talking again, there is a rap on the door behind him, and he turns to find his mother walking in curiously.

"Everything okay in here, you two?" She asks with trepidation.

"umm…" he starts and turns back to Beckett who is suddenly on her feet. His mouth is dry and he's blinking furiously at his mother once more. His is completely shell-shocked and all the anger has drained from him and he's left with the need to apologize or run away. Before he can do either, he hears Beckett start talking.

"Thank you, Martha." She says, "We were just clearing a few things up, apparently. We're done now, though." She says, dejectedly as she shuffles to the bathroom and closes the door behind her.

"Richard?" His mother asks, expecting an answer of what their yelling match was about, about why Beckett was crying, about why he looked like a fish out of water. Instead, he turns and flees, leaving his mother staring after him and leaving Beckett behind.

Martha looks at her son leaving the room and looks at the closed bathroom door. "_When are these two going to get their act together?" _She thinks. She sits on the unmade bed and waits. She doesn't want to go downstairs after her stubborn son, so she stays here to take her chances with the detective.

She sits, thinking, for nearly five minutes before rustling and a small crash brings her attention to the bathroom more fully. She decides that she needs to check on the poor girl just to make sure she's okay. She approaches the door and knocks gently.

"Kate, its Martha." She announces, "Are you okay in there?" she waits and listens and hears a gentle sigh.

"You can come in, Martha."

She doesn't know what's waiting for her on the other side so she opens the door and walks through slowly. She finds the detective standing in front of the sink with her son's oxford open slightly. It takes a second, but she realizes that Kate is trying to change her bandage and tape up her ribs by herself.

"Oh, dear, you can't do that on your own." She states, moving to help her.

"Well, I figured I would try." The detective states, dryly. "Not doing too great, though."

She turns, leaning her back against the sink and looks down at Martha. She knows she looks like hell and that her eyes are probably red. She had a few minutes of sitting on the lid of the toilet letting the tears flow before telling herself to steel-up.

"I don't suppose you'd care to help me out, Martha?" She asks, unsure of herself.

"You don't have to ask." The older woman smiles, studying her.

"My, this is quite the sight." Martha states, picking up the supplies in front of her.

She's not wrong; it's an angry red color with bruises surrounding the stitches there. It makes Kate self-conscious and she suddenly wants to pull her(his) shirt tight around her and tell Martha not to worry about it.

"You know, I had a bruise like this once." Martha starts, "I was late for a cue backstage and it was dark; I ran right into one of the lighting rigs that was placed on the floor. I had a cold bruise for _months._"

The personal story makes Beckett smile and Martha tells her stories of cuts and bruises from life on the road. She doesn't ask about the fight that her son and she just had; she just talks to her like the person that she is, and Kate Beckett couldn't not have been more thankful.

When Martha stopped talking, she realized that she was done.

"Thank you, Martha." Kate smiled, "really for everything you've done for me lately."

"Darling, There isn't much us Castles, or Rogers, wouldn't do for you."

"Yeah, I realize that now…" Kate said, looking down. "and, just so you know, There isn't anything I wouldn't do for _your _ family, Martha."

"I know that, dear."

Kate smiled sadly at Martha. She took a deep breath and knew what she had to do. She had to stop torturing Castle this way. She had to stop putting him in danger. Nikki Heat and the Mayor be damned, Kate Beckett was going to do what was right for the Castle clan… or at least what she thought was right.

"If you'll excuse me, Martha, I'm going to get changed." Kate smiled.

"Of course. I'll see you downstairs." Martha smiled and made her exit.

Kate followed her into the guest room, wincing as she walked. She didn't reach for the duffle bag, instead she grabbed her cell phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hey Lanie."

* * *

Castle flew down his stairs and into his office. He went to the window and paced in front of it. What was he thinking, flying off the handle like that? He didn't tell her the reason he was mad was because he was madly in love with her. He should have led off with that! He should have told her that he was so concerned because he didn't ever want to see the day where the world didn't have Kate Beckett in it. He went about that conversation all wrong, he let his rage consume him, and now they were at war.

He flopped down in his chair and stared at the numerous books he had collected and composed. For a man who made his living off of words, he really sucked with weaving them in the last hour.

He didn't hear his daughter enter his office until she started speaking; and even then he didn't really process what was being said.

"Hey Dad, I'm going to go out with Ash for a little bit ok?"

"hmm? Yeah, sure" He mumbled not looking at her.

"annnddd I'm going to take your Gold Card."

"yeah, okay."

"And I've decided that we're going to run off to the circus and get married."

"Sure, have fun honey. Be back before midnight."

"DAD!" Alexis yelled, walking into his line of sight. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, pumpkin." He gave a weak smile, "It's just been a rough couple of days."

"Does this have anything to do with the screaming match between you and Kate this morning?" She asked, sometimes he wished he didn't have such a smart daughter.

"Honey, I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I just don't." He sighed. "Things between Beckett and me are… complicated at the moment."

"Complicated… as in you're both madly in love with one another and won't admit it?"

"Alexis…" Castle scolded.

"What? I'm not lying." She put her hands up.

A commotion from the living room brought the two of them to see what was going on. They were met by the sight of Martha chasing a duffle-bag-carrying Beckett across the loft.

"Kate, you can't leave." Martha commanded.

"Martha, listen, the case is over." Beckett reasoned. "I appreciate you letting me stay the night, but the case is over, and there is no need for me to intrude on your lives anymore."

"You're… leaving?" Castle asked weakly, stepped out into the open expanse of his loft.

"I think it's best for both of us, Castle." She sighed. "I've already talked to Lanie. She's going to stay with me for a few days until I'm cleared. You don't need to babysit me anymore."

"We're not babysitting you, Kate!" Alexis interjected.

"Alexis, Mother, Can you give us a second?" Castle asked the two women. They nodded and went upstairs.

"Listen, Beckett, I'm sorry if I offended you earlier." He nearly begged, "I know I said some things that weren't fair."

"No, Castle, they were fair and accurate." Kate added, looking him straight in the eyes. "and it's time we face the reality that was just thrown at us."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not a cop, Castle." She stated. "You should have to be dodging bullets, or creating diversions or changing some random cop's bandages. I should have never let this continue and now you're family is in on it."

"Kate, you're not just some "random cop," don't do this."

"We're done, Castle" She told him. "You have enough research to write fifty books. It's time for you to go back to your normal, and I'll stay in mine. It's safer for you."

Before he got the chance to refute any of her arguments, her cell phone rang and she picked up on the first ring.

"Beckett?" She answered, "Yeah, Lanie, I'll be right down."

Castle moved swiftly across the room and stood between her and the door. He put his hands on her upper arms and looked into her face.

"Don't do this, Kate." He pleaded. "Don't Leave Me."

"I'm sorry, Castle." She said shrugging him off. "I'm sorry you ever had to meet me."

She went to move past him to get to the door when he stopped her again, careful not to hurt her.

"Forgive me, Kate."

"I already have, Castle" she replied. "Everything you said was right."

"Not for that." Castle stopped her. "For this…"

He grabbed her face in his hands and placed his lips on hers. The feel was incredible. It was like they were meant for each other; one perfectly in sync with the other. Kate had her hands in between his shoulder blades, holding him gently, and he had his hand behind her neck and one buried in her cherry-scented hair.

Richard Castle wanted this to last forever but the wince and shaky breath from his detective drew him back.

He looked at her with clouded eyes and assessed her face. He could tell she was conflicted and uncomfortable. He could also tell by the flush of her face that she enjoyed the kiss as much as he did.

Beckett sighed again, she needed to keep her focus and steel-up again. He was making this increasingly more difficult on her. She had to save him from her. He was too important to ever put in danger again; even if that danger was being near her.

"Look, Castle…" She started, "I know that you want something more from me and I would love to be the one who gives it to you, but I'm not that person. I'm not the person you created in your head. You view me as Nikki Heat, and I'm not."

"Kate, No." He tried.

"Castle, I'm a danger to you and your family and I won't be responsible for that any longer." She stood up tall. "This is good-bye, Rick, and I don't want the Mayor calling me, nothing will change my mind."

"Beckett… Kate… Don't do this." He was losing control of the situation and he was about to get on his knees and beg but she stopped him.

"Castle, you and I both know this wasn't going to last forever and I'm not waiting for one of us to die to end this partnership because we both know that person will be you; and I can't bare that."

She grabbed her duffle bag gingerly and moved to open the door of the loft.

"Good-bye, Rick" She closed the door, leaned back and let out a sob at the look on his face as she left.

* * *

She was down-right sobbing as she reached the outside of Castle's building. She was in pain, it was raining, and her heart hurt more than she ever thought possible. She got into the passenger side of Lanie's car after tossing her bag in the back.

"Oh, Honey," Lanie sighed, placing a gentle hand on her friends shoulder.

"Just drive, Lanie." She hiccuped. "This is the way it has to be."

* * *

CLICK ITTT


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey, everyone. I'm glad you're enjoying this. I'm sorry you hate me for the last chapter, but it needed to happen. Don't worry, we'll work it out soon. Please keep reviewing and enjoying. I'm writing for you, if it wasn't for you reading and reviewing, I'd just be talking to myself. ;)**

**Thanks!**

**Don't own.

* * *

**

Castle was left standing in his living room as the door to his loft clicked shut. He was rooted to the spot he was standing, staring at the closed door.

"Dad?" Alexis asked, moving downstairs towards her father, Martha in tow.

"Richard, darling, are you okay?" Martha laid a hand on her son's shoulder.

"No… She just left." He looked at them wearily. "I really messed this up didn't I?"

"Oh, Richard, No." Martha soothed, "You'll be able to fix this."

"I am going to fix this." He vowed. "I can't let this happen to us."

He blinked harshly at his mother and daughter before turning and running. He ran through the front door of his loft and into the elevator that was waiting for him. He would make it; he had to get her back.

He got out into the lobby and the tiles were cold on his bare feet as he ran towards the revolving doors. Thomas the Doorman looked at him with concern as he was running across the lobby and into the turnstiles. He jumped out and looked around wildly. He caught the tail end of Lanie's car driving away and he leaned forward on his knees, out of breath.

"God Damn It!" He cursed.

He straightened up and walked back inside his building and was met by Thomas, the doorman.

"Are you ok, Mr. Castle?" He asked

"Yeah, Thomas, just great." He was forced to smile. "I was hoping to catch someone before they left."

"You mean Detective Beckett, sir?" He asked.

"Yeah, Detective Beckett. Did you see her leave?"

"Yeah, she looked pretty upset and was wincing a lot. She got picked up by that Medical Examiner friend of yours." Thomas explained.

"Thanks, Thomas." Castle replied. "If you'll excuse me…"

"Oh, Yeah, sure, Mr. Castle." The young man smiled, "I'll see you later."

Castle walked dejectedly up to the elevator and got in. He stepped out on his floor and shuffled down the hallway. He opened the door to his loft to just to look at his mother and daughter's expectant face.

He shook his head. "Too Late." He grumbled, as he walked into his bedroom and shut his door.

He flopped down on his back and sighed. He needed a plan. He needed a way back. He needed Kate, and he wasn't about to just give her up.

He picked up his cell and looked at it. He needed to hear her voice. He held it up and dialed; it rang and it rang.

"Hello, you've reached the voicemail of Detective Kate Beckett, please leave a message after the tone." Her recorded voice proclaimed.

"Beckett, Kate, It's Castle. Please call me…please." He hung up and lay back on his plush bed and closed his eyes. He was screwed.

* * *

Kate Beckett made the mistake of looking into Lanie's rear-view mirror as they pulled away from the curb. She saw him run out onto the sidewalk searching, apparently, for her. She almost told Lanie to stop—almost –but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

When they settled into Lanie's apartment, Beckett was having doubts about her whole plan. She was cold and overly-logical with Castle and she was feeling particularly guilty. _Stop, Kate, _she scolded herself, _it needs to be done, he's safer away from me and he'll never sever the partnership. _

Lanie came back into the guest room where Beckett was holed up in bed on Lanie's orders. It was one of the conditions of leaving Castle's.

"How are you holding up, girl?"

"Fine." Beckett replied.

"Bull." Lanie stared her down. "You want to tell me why you felt the need for the expedited exit from Writer-Boy's? He couldn't have annoyed you that quickly."

"Not Really."

"Did he get too close?"

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me, Beckett." Lanie said with her hands on her hips. "He got to personal and you ran, didn't you?"

"Lanie, that's not what happened." Beckett got defensive. "He shouldn't be around me. I'm a danger to him and his family."

"He's a danger to himself, honey."

"That's not the point, Lanie!" she nearly shouted. "He follows me everywhere, including places with dangerous criminals that are armed to the teeth. It's needs to stop."

"And why do you think he does that, Sweetie?" Lanie asked, eyebrows raised.

Beckett sat and stared at her. Part of her knew the answer; the other part denied it louder.

"I don't know; morbid fascination?"

"You're a fool, Beckett." Lanie turned and strutted from her guest room.

* * *

She was forced by threat of (more) bodily harm by Lanie to take medication and she promptly fell asleep. When she woke, it was hours later but she didn't feel rested. She felt anxious; like the feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach when you feel as if you've lost something important. She blamed it on the residual effects of the Vicodin, but a nagging voice in the back of her mind screamed otherwise.

She turned to look at the bedside clock when she heard something buzz beside her. At some point, Lanie must have turned her cell phone back on and placed it on the bedside table. She picked up the offending object and flipped on the screen. She had twenty-three missed calls; twelve text messages, and six new voicemails.

"Holy Crap." She murmured.

As she started opening the texts, she started to realize that Castle was not taking this lightly. Nine of the texts were from him, every half hour, saying simply: _call me. _Following, there was one from Esposito: _Why is Castle calling me to ask if I can make you call him? I thought you were staying at Chez Castle? _The next from Ryan: _Castle wants you to call him. What did you do, Beckett? _The last one made her feel really guilty; it was from Alexis Castle: _Kate, I know I shouldn't be doing this, I think Dad would be mad if he knew but you need to talk to him, he's destroyed by whatever happened. I hope you're okay._

Kate gulped. Should she give in? Should she hold fast? This was becoming even more of a nightmare. Why didn't everyone get that she was poison? All the people that she loved got hurt, or killed, or ruined for life, or landed in AA. She wouldn't risk Castle having any of those happen to him.

She clicked on the voicemails. There were six from Richard Castle since she had heard the first one hours ago and they sounded suspiciously like the five stages of grief:

Denial: _"We can't be doing this, Kate. Come on, it's us!"_

Anger: "_GOD DAMMIT BECKETT, CALL ME BACK!"_

Bargaining: _"Kate, Come on. Call me back, I'll do anything… I'll buy you a pony!"_

Depression: _"Kate, Please. I miss you, I need you to call me, I need to apologize and it's tearing me up."_

Acceptance: _"Fine, Beckett, if you don't want to call me, that's fine, but I WILL talk to you, eventually."_

Beckett sighed, reached over and exchanged her cell for the small bottle of pain medication. She was sore, she was tired, and she was in pain in more ways than one. Maybe she really _did _need these. She popped two, and settled back down with a wince and a groan. In minutes, she was asleep once more.

* * *

Richard Castle alternated between pacing his loft and moping on the couch. He didn't know what to do. He knew that Beckett was safe with Lanie, but he didn't want her to be with Lanie. He didn't want her to be with anyone else but him and that thought alone terrified him. He decided he didn't care. It had been over eight hours since she left his loft and he was starting to believe she was serious. Maybe she didn't want him around anymore. Maybe she was not just acting out of hurt and rage; maybe he would never see her again. The thought of never looking into her green eyes and hearing her teasing voice made his blood run cold. His cell phone startled him out of his reverie. It was Lanie.

"LANIE!" He answered, "Is Kate okay?"

"Sleeping, Castle." She replied, "and it's nice to hear from you too."

"I'm sorry, Lanie." He sighed. "She didn't leave here on the best terms, and I want… I need… Hell, I don't know."

"I know, Castle." Lanie sympathized. "Listen to me, carefully, Castle. At 8:30PM, a half hour from now, Esposito will be picking me up and I'll be out all night, do you hear me?"

"but Lanie, you can't leave her alone, the doctor said…"

"Shut up, Castle, I know what the doctor said." Lanie snapped. "All you need to know is that the spare key will be above the molding. Got me?"

"Loud and clear, Lanie." He smiled.

"Good. Don't mess this up, Rick." She hung up.

Castle hopped off of his couch. Realizing he didn't know her address he looked back to his phone and went to dial but was cut off by a text message…. From Lanie, address included.

He smiled at the Medical Examiner's meddling. He wouldn't mess this up. It was time to come clean with Katherine Beckett.

* * *

_**CLICK ITTT… I know it was shorter but more soon, I promise!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN: So, You guys might kill me for this, but I'm willing to take the risk for good story-telling.**_

_**Once again, I thank you for all of your reviews. If I had more times on my hands, I would reply to you all, but I can't do it. So, I just want you to know that I always read what you have to say and I appreciate all of you that take the time.**_

_**As you get to the end of this, you are going to either 1)Scream 2)Track me down and chase me with pitch-forks and fire or 3) Curse and stop reading my fics.**_

_**Before you do any of the a fore mentioned things, I WILL have a chapter up VERY soon. I know what has to happen and what I want to happen but I needed to stop where I stopped because I needed a fresh start for the next chapter. **_

_**I hope you Enjoy :)**_

_**Don't own 'em.

* * *

**_

For the third time in four days, Kate Beckett woke up with Rick Castle staring at her.

"Mmm… Castle, that's creepy." She murmured groggily.

He smiled at her from the chair that he placed next to her bed. He knew her brain would catch up any second and she would, once again, be on the offensive. For now, he was content to be by her.

"I live to be creepy." He smiled. "I'm Richard Castle: Master of the Macabre."

"Hmm…" she grunted and rolled over towards him. She winced when her stitches pulled and the pain seemed to bring her cognitive abilities back.

"I'm going to kill, Lanie." She groaned, "What the hell are you doing here, Castle?"

"Beckett-sitting."

"Get out, Castle."

"No."

"Castle…" She warned.

"I'm not leaving." He replied stubbornly, "Not now, Not Ever."

"Oh, Come ON." She rolled over onto her back and looked towards the ceiling. "I'm not having this conversation with you now, Castle. I'm not feeling up to it."

"Tough."

"Castle, GET OUT." She raised her voice.

"No, Beckett."

"I'm not messing around, Rick." She growled, "LEAVE."

"I'm not leaving, Kate." He sighed. "You don't want me to follow you anymore? Fine, but I'm not going to leave you."

"What?" She asked, slightly taken back.

"That's what you're afraid of, isn't it?" He asked, "Me leaving you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Castle, and I'm not afraid." She seethed at him, sitting against the headboard.

"Listen to me, Beckett." He started, "If you listen to me and consider what I have to say and you still want me to go, I will. All I ask is that you listen to what I have to say."

She stared at him for a second. She studied his face and found nothing but seriousness and emotion. She had a hard time denying him anything lately and she decided to give him his say.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?

"No, I'm not."

"Fine," She relented, "but if I still want you to go, you'll go?"

"Yes." He nodded, deadly serious.

"Okay, Castle." She sighed, sitting up and looking at him.

"Really?" He asked, surprised.

"Don't make me change my mind..."

"Right… I just thought it would be harder than that."

"You can thank the Vicodin later, don't test my patience."

"Right… Okay." He paused for a moment while looking at her. This was the moment that would make or break him.

"You need to understand why I was so mad at you these last few days." He sat forward to be closer to her. "So, I'm going to start from the beginning and I don't want you to say anything until I'm done."

"Okay" She agreed hesitantly.

"When I first met you, it was about the chase." He admitted, "I wanted to follow you around because I wanted you and I couldn't have you. You were going to be my greatest conquest."

"You're not doing too well on not pissing me off, Castle." Beckett cut him off.

"Hey, no interrupting." He clipped back. "After a little while of observing you, it wasn't about the chase anymore. It was about the story; why you were the person you were. After that, it evolved into a muse. I took your story and I made it my book and my vision and it was the most fun I've ever had writing a novel; it still is."

He paused and looked at her confused expression.

"Why are you telling me this, Castle?"

"I'm getting there" He promised. "Somewhere along the line it stopped being about the books all together and started to be about you. It started as a simple need to help you find your mother's killer because I could see how it hurt you. Then it became about bringing some humor into your job so that I could see you smile every once in a while… Then something extraordinary happened. My need to follow you professionally disappeared. I didn't need it anymore. I wanted it. I wanted to spend as much time around you as humanly possible. At this point I knew you; I knew you would never let me in unless you had to, so I stuck with the job."

He paused again and looked away for a moment. This was the hard part. This is what was going to send her running.

"I told myself that it was because you needed a friend and it went on like that for a while… until Demming." He sighed. "It physically hurt me to see you with him and that's when I realized that I was looking for more from our relationship than just friendship."

"Castle…" she whispered.

"Not yet." He commanded. "I ran away and tried to get over you with the worst woman I could have chosen. We weren't ever supposed to be together and we forced it twice." He admitted. "I missed you every day that summer."

"Rick,"

"Not yet, Kate." He looked at her and shook his head. "When I came back to the precinct, to you, it felt like home again, and I was happy to feel that way, even if it was for a couple of hours a day."

He paused and looked at his shoes for a moment. He didn't want to recall this part of his tale, but he had to make her see. He had to make her feel what he did.

"When you got shot, all I could think of was the stuff I didn't say; the stuff I never did with you." He admitted. "I held you for the first time that could have been our last and it won't leave me. I dream about that moment every night."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you shouldn't be sorry. None of it was your fault, and it was unfair of me to say that you gave up trying." He apologized. "You were doing what you always do; making sure the people you care about are put before yourself. It's one of the many things I love about you."

"Rick…" She gasped.

"I know. I know, Kate." He admitted. "I wasn't supposed love you, it wasn't ever my plan, but I fell in love with you hard."

She sat in stunned silence, looking at his concerned face. She didn't know what to say; she didn't know what to do. She blinked at him and opened her mouth a few times to speak before thinking better of it and closing it. She must have been a sight to see, sitting there with saucer-sized eyes. She did the only thing she could think of.

"Kate, say something." He begged, reaching over and grabbing her hand.

"I…" she stuttered. "I… would like you to leave now."

"What?" He gasped, dropping her hand.

"I need to think about this, Castle." She explained, "and I can't have you here for that."

"Beckett, please." He pleaded, "I'll take it all back if you want me to! You can forget I ever said it, I don't care, just don't shut me out, please."

"Castle, I can't just un-hear words."

"Yes! Yes you can!" He was getting frantic. "Please, Beckett, Don't kick me out. I need to be here. I need to be with you."

"That's the problem, Castle." She sighed. "I don't need you to be here with me."

He looked crest-fallen and heart-broken. She hated the look on his face, and she hated herself so much because she put it there. She was beginning to feel a sob build up within her from her lies. She needed to get him to leave, and quickly.

"Castle, go home." She choked out.

He got to his feet and looked down at her blinking furiously. His eyes were misty but he allowed one last look into her face before he would turn around and leave for good. She was beautiful. Her facial features were even and strong and he wanted to memorize her face forever. When his gaze reached her eyes, he didn't recognize the look she was giving him. It wasn't the anger he expected to see. It was something softer; more like pain. Then, it hit him like a ton of bricks; Kate Beckett was an excellent liar.

"You're lying." He stated, looking at her with disbelief.

"No, Castle, I'm not." She tried. It was getting harder and harder to breathe normally. Between the pain from her wound and the burn of unshed tears and panic, she was about to lose it. She couldn't lose it in front of Castle. She needed to escape and get away from him

She slipped out of the other side of the bed and stood unsteadily. She swayed at the sudden movements and he went to move towards her.

"No, Castle." She held up a hand. She walked past him with him staring at her and she turned before she reached the threshold of the bathroom.

"When I get out, I expect you to be gone." She declared.

Before he could answer, the door slammed and conversation ceased. Castle was at a loss. He didn't know how to proceed from here, but he knew it had to be extremely carefully. He sat on the bed and waited. There was no way he was leaving her now. He was going to get through her walls. He had to, or he might lose her forever.

* * *

Kate Beckett was screwed if he didn't leave. She was emotionally drained and physically exhausted; two qualities that assured her that she would not last long against his advances. She fled to the safety of Lanie's guest bathroom, hoping for a moment or two of clarity. She paced back and forth for a few minutes before everything caught up with her.

Instead, she got a moment or two of sheer panic attack. Her heart sped up and her breathing painfully increased its tempo. She managed to catch herself as she began to fall by letting her body slide down the glass of the shower doors.

She could feel the blood drain from her face as the throbbing in her side became unbearable. Her fast breathing became gasps that let no oxygen in and tears were leaking from her eyes. Her vision began to swim and be laden with dark spots. She was in trouble. She needed to find her voice. She needed help. She let out the only noise she could, a strangled "Castle…" before her vision went completely black.

* * *

CLICK ITTTT :)

MORE SOON, I SWEAR!

Don't kill me.


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN: Ok, peeps. The reviews, again, baffle me. I mean, over 300? Who's luckier than me? Anyway, you rock. So I brewed this up really quick for you all. **_

_**On with the show.**_

_**Don't own Castle, wish I did.

* * *

**_

Castle sat on the edge of a bed in an unfamiliar room. He never expected to ever he allowed into Lanie's apartment, let alone to confront his injured detective. He leaned forward so that his elbows rested on his knees and cradled his head in his hair. He scrubbed at his face to clear some of the exhaustion away. He took a deep breath and went silent. He tried to hear anything that was going on in the apartment, but he was met with nothing. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to examine the device. It was from Lanie:

_How's it going Writer-Boy?_

_**Not the best. **_He wrote back. _**She's barricaded in your guest bathroom.**_

_Damn. _She replied. _I'm on my way back. Maybe you should get going?_

_**I'll wait until you get here.**_He typed back.

He put his phone away and stared at the door. The lack of sound and movement was alarming to him. How can someone not make any noise? The doors weren't made of cinder block; sound had to escape the bathroom.

He took a deep breath to calm himself. This was Beckett. She was probably playing opossum; waiting for him to leave, but he wouldn't budge; at least not until Lanie was back.

He stood to pace the room. Maybe he should wait in the living-room, maybe he should open the door and shut it; creating the illusion that he had left. He settled on that idea and moved out of the room.

He opened the front door and shut it again, expecting to hear the opening of the bathroom door. He waited a few minutes and nothing happened. He walked curiously back into the bedroom and stopped in front of the door. His stomach was making a slow ascent into this throat as worry started to creep in.

"Kate?" He asked, gently knocking on the door. Receiving no response, he knocked louder. "Beckett? Come on, just let me know you're okay in there and I'll leave you alone; I swear."

The silence that followed increased his level of panic. He knocked louder and yelled her name.

"Kate, I'm going to come in, if you don't answer me." He waited. "Ok, I'm coming in."

He pushed open the door and the sight in front of him set his heart to his toes. He ran forward, falling to his knees beside her unconscious form. She was pale and had clammy skin as he touched her face and hands.

"Beckett, wake up." He tried. "Come on, Kate."

He grabbed for his cell. He didn't know who to call first, Lanie or 911. He settled on the ME as he dialed.

"What is it, Castle? I'm almost there; did she kick your ass or something?" She answered.

"No, Lanie, I found her in the bathroom, she's unconscious." He recalled frantically.

"Ok, Castle. I'm only a block away. I need you to check her pulse. How does it feel?"

He put his fingers over her pulse point and felt the even steady rhythm there and breathed a sigh of relief. He checked her breathing. It hitched a bit at the top, but there was no rasping or indication that she had reinjured her lung. Her breath looked even on both sides and there didn't seem to be any shuddering in her chest.

"Pulse is strong and even, Lanie. Her breathing sounds normal, except for a hitch at the top of the breath. It looks even, too" He recounted. "What should I do, Lanie? Should I call an ambulance?"

"Castle, I think she just fainted for overexertion." Lanie replied. "I need you to check her wound though; to see if it's bleeding or anything."

"Umm…"

"No time for modesty, Castle. Just do it." She commanded.

"Ok."

He pulled up the left side of her shirt and saw the white bandaged affixed to her skin.

"I don't see any blood on the bandage."

"Take the bandage off, we're looking for signs of infection too."

He cringed as he pulled the tape, she would kill him for this. He just hoped that she didn't….

"What the hell are you doing, Castle?" Beckett's weak voice cut into his consciousness.

"Oh, Thank God." He sighed. He pulled the phone back up to his ear, "did you hear that Lanie? She's awake."

"Awake and wondering why the hell you're touching me." She grumbled weakly. He's sure his would have found it threatening had she been at full strength but now it was almost pathetic and he chuckled slightly at her as she shifted.

"Don't move, Kate." He commanded. "I don't know how long you've been out or if you fell, just hold on a second."

"Check the wound, Castle." Lanie called into his ear.

"Ok." He turned to Beckett. "I need to check your wound for infection."

"Don't. Even. Think. About. It." She growled. "I'm not letting you cop a feel while I'm injured.

"Kate, I'm not trying to..." He was cut off by her death glare. "Umm…. Lanie, what do I do?" he asked into his phone.

"Do it, Castle. She's weak. The worst she could do is break a finger." He could hear the ME smile.

He murmured an apology as he tore the rest of the tape from her skin and looked at the sutures that were in her skin. He nearly gagged at the sight. It looked like a nasty, painful cut and he was sure it would scar.

"What am I looking for, Lanie?" He asked and Beckett studied his movements with her eyes.

"Is it red and puffy? Any green or yellow drainage?" She asked.

"No, nothing." He replied, relieved. "just looks red and bruised, no bleeding."

"Good." Lanie replied. "Don't call an ambulance, I'm coming up now."

He hung up and looked up into the angry face of Kate Beckett. He smiled at her and moved some hair from her face and she softened a bit.

"Lanie's on her way up." He repeated. "You scared the shit out of me, Kate… again."

"Sorry." She replied. "I just got dizzy and I couldn't breathe right." She recounted. "I tried to call for you but I couldn't speak loud enough."

"It's ok." Castle replied. "Ok, let's get you out of here. Don't kill me."

"What?"

Before she could finish questioning him, he had scooped her up and into his strong arms. She was about to fight and yell and tell him to put her down but she heard the front door of the apartment open and she gave in to her exhaustion once more. He cradled her against him so nicely and she wanted to stay this way for a while. He deposited her onto the guest bed as Lanie entered the room, Esposito in tow.

"Girl, what the hell am I going to do with you?" Lanie asked, perturbed at her friend.

Beckett smiled sheepishly looking warily at her friends watching her with concern.

"You boys mind leaving us for a second?" Lanie asked Castle and Esposito.

Castle looked at her, panicked. He didn't want to leave her alone again. He looked at Lanie and desperately wanted to say no, but Esposito's hand on his shoulder made him realize that Lanie's question wasn't ever a question at all.

"Sure, Come on Castle." Esposito all but shoved him out the door and closed it behind him. "You okay, Bro?"

Castle sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Honestly, no. I think I've lost about fifteen years off of my life in the past five days because of that woman."

Esposito laughed. "Beckett's a handful, man. You should have realized that by now. However, I also know that we wouldn't be having this conversation if she wasn't." He sighed. "I'd probably be at the bottom of the East River if it wasn't for her and you."

Castle considered this for a moment. He didn't consider the consequences of what would have happened if they didn't succeed the other night. He just assumed that they would succeed. It's what Beckett did. Before he could answer, Esposito's cell phone rang and he excused himself to answer it.

He paced Lanie's apartment a bit before finally settling to sit on the couch in front of him. As time went on he hoped that nothing was wrong with Beckett. The door to the bedroom opened and Lanie stepped out, looking angry.

"What is it, Lanie?" He questioned, jumping to his feet.

"Oh, she's fine, Castle, relax." Lanie shook her head at him. "I'm pissed because I just got called into work."

"Me too." Esposito answered from behind him.

"So much for a weekend off." Lanie sighed.

"Looks like you're taking Beckett back to Casa De La Castle." Esposito snarked.

"Oh, Boy." Castle sighed. "Did you break the news, Lanie?"

"Yeah, she's less than thrilled, but she's getting ready."

"Why did she pass out?" Castle asked.

"Honestly, from what she told me, it sounds like she had a panic-attack and it made her succumb to the pain in her side that breathing heavily caused." Lanie explained. "She won't admit to it, though, so I can't be sure. Just keep an eye on her and make sure she rests and takes her damn pills."

"Ok." Castle agreed. "You got it, Lanie."

Beckett appeared in the doorway of the guest bedroom, dragging a bag which Castle stepped forward and slung over his shoulder for her.

"Ready?" He asked, offering his arm like English royalty. "Your chariot to Chateau Castle awaits."

"Great." She replied sarcastically, hiding a small smile.

"Be good, you two." Lanie called to them.

"Have fun at work." Castle called over his shoulder. He smiled at Lanie and Esposito as they shook their heads at him.

"Those two have it BAD." Esposito said to Lanie after the front door shut and she nodded and smiled at her man, hugging him around his waist.

* * *

_**Ok, so she's going back to the Loft. I think it's time for Kate to have her say, what do you think? More soon.**_

_**CLICK ITTTTT**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN: Oh man, you guys. I had THE hardest time writing this chapter. First off, I had absolutely no time to do it. I just couldn't get life to leave me alone long enough to make this happen. So, for all of you, I'm staying up pretty late to finish it. **_

_**Secondly, like Beckett, I'm a closed off person, so while I can pretend to be Castle because he's nothing like me, it's harder for me to channel Beckett b/c it's like putting myself(minus the stilettos,{I'm 6 feet tall, don't need 'em} general gorgeousness and hot funny guy following me around) on the page.**_

_**So, I'm a little nervous about this one because it's pretty big. Let me know what you think. You guys are the best, don't forget that!**_

_**Don't Own CASTLE. Don't own the last line either.  


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Castle poked his head through the barely-open door in his upstairs guest room for the fifth time in an hour. He looked in and saw the prone from of Kate Beckett in the middle of the bed. Satisfied that she was all right, he turned to leave.

"You're hovering, Castle," A raspy tired voice broke through the silence.

Castle turned back around and entered the bedroom with a slight smile.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"Can't sleep." She replied. "Doesn't change the fact that you've been in here like six times already. Shouldn't you be writing or something? Maybe sleeping?"

"Five times, actually, and why aren't you sleeping? Do you need anything? Are you uncomfortable?" He asked, concerned.

"No, I'm good." She replied. "Just can't sleep."

"Yes, I heard you." He replied, getting annoyed at her question-dodging. "What I'm asking is: WHY can't you sleep?"

"Can't shut off my brain, I suppose."

A wave of guilt washed over him before he steeled up. He wouldn't be guilty for something like being honest with her.

"I would say I'm sorry for laying all of that on you, but I'm not." He told her. "I meant every word and I'll mean every word tomorrow and the days after that. It's up to you what you do with that knowledge."

"Up to me?" She scoffed. "Castle, why are you doing this?"

"Why am I doing what? Being honest?" He asked incredulously, "Maybe because you almost died in my arms, Kate!"

"Castle," She took a deep breath and paused. "Look at us. We don't work. I mean, you're a multi-million dollar author. I'm a _cop._"

"You know that doesn't matter to me." He quickly replied.

"Castle, if we go there, there is no coming back, you know that right?"

"Who says we're ever going to want to come back?" he asked with a smirk.

"You know what, Rick?" Beckett asked, "It doesn't matter anyway."

"And why, pray tell, is that?"

Beckett heaved a mighty sigh and sat up against the headboard painfully and slowly. She was going to have to spell it out for him and she was going to make sure she was clear and direct, even if she didn't really believe herself.

"Look, Castle, I'm no good for you."

"Isn't that _my _decision?" He countered.

"No, it's not." She replied, quickly. "The people that get close to me; the people that I care about; bad things happen to them."

"That's ridiculous."

"Will you let me finish?" She asked angrily. He made a gesture and she continued.

"They leave or are taken from me or wind up in some sort of treatment program." She explained. "You have a family, a career, an established life. I'm not risking it."

"That's bullshit, Kate." He told her, frankly. "You're just afraid that I'll leave you, and I told you I won't.

"You're wrong this time." She sighed. "Listen, let's just get through the week, I'll get cleared from my doctor and everything will be back to normal. Okay?"

Castle sighed heavily and dragged his hand through his hair.

"Is that my only option?" He asked.

"Yes." She nodded, "No exceptions. You're just lucky I'm not kicking you off following me."

Castle sighed heavily once more. He didn't have the words to express the hurt and frustration he was feeling. He knew by the way she kissed him back and let him hold her that she felt something for him. She was just being her stubborn and guarded self. He wondered what it would take for her to allow herself to be happy; to be happy with him.

"I'm not happy about this, Kate."

"You don't have a choice, _Rick_."

"Fine." He shook his head at her. "I need to think about this." He trailed off. "I won't work with you just to watch you die in my arms again. I won't do it, Beckett."

"It's my job, Castle. It's a hazard of the job."

"It's not your job to get killed." He said; she had no answer.

Castle stood up and looked at her. She had her stone façade in place and he knew he wouldn't get anywhere with her tonight.

"Get some rest." He commanded, turned and walked out of the room. He was done hovering for the night. He had some serious thinking to do.

Beckett sunk down into Castle's soft guest bed. She had a terrible ache in her chest and she couldn't decide if it was from the broken ribs or the pain she just inflicted on someone she deeply cared about. She believed everything she had said to him. However, her heart was willing to make the exception for him; her mind was not. She needed to protect him and his family at all costs; even if that meant keeping him at arm's length.

She rolled gently onto her right side and buried the side of her face in the pillow. She didn't know she was crying until she felt two tears drip off her cheek and nose and land on the pillow. She fell into a restless sleep shortly after, her mind still running a mile a minute, her body just giving up.

* * *

Castle sat in his study and sulked. He didn't know what he expected her to do with his confession. He always assumed that he would be able to wear her down and they would wind up together; that was looking less and less likely now. He had been sitting and looking at his empty word document for a while now. He didn't feel like writing. He didn't feel like sleeping. He didn't feel like doing anything. He had a taste of sleeping next to Kate Beckett and now he didn't want anything else.

He listened to the silence in his loft. It was nearing two A.M. and his mother and Alexis were sleeping soundly in their beds. When he had walked in with Beckett leaning on him hours before, his mother and daughter were ecstatic to see the two of them back. Neither made a fuss over the pale, shaky, detective on his arm; they simply welcomed her back and helped him settle her back into the guest room. Later, though, they grilled him for details before retiring for the night. He loved that his family gravitated toward her and understood her personality. Even Gina hadn't fit in like Beckett did. He wished he could make it last.

Castle propped his feet up on his desk and leaned back in his chair. His eyes were tired; maybe if he just closed them for a few seconds he'd feel better. A few seconds turned into him drifting off in his leather desk chair, head back and mouth open.

* * *

_Beckett sat at her desk at the precinct. It was completely empty around her but she didn't find it odd. She often liked to work late when everyone had gone. She liked the sense of anonymity it gave her. No one asked for files or advice or asked her for the weather, time, or sports scores from the previous night. She could just be and do her job. _

_She glanced to her left and noticed that Castle's chair was oddly missing. She blinked furiously at the empty spot. __**Hadn't it just been there? **__She thought. She shrugged it off as a maintenance problem and continued with her paperwork. They would find him another chair when he arrived in the morning._

_An ethereal voice broke her concentration. _

"_Katie, what have you done?"_

_Kate jumped out of her chair and looked around. She hadn't heard that voice in twelve years. She scanned the bullpen wildly and her eyes landed on the form of her mother standing in the entrance to the break room._

"_MOM!" She questioned, walking briskly toward her. She reached out to hug her mother when Johanna Beckett held up a hand to stop her._

"_Katie, what have you done?" She asked again._

"_I don't understand…." Beckett whispered and her Mom held out a worn newspaper to her daughter. _

_Beckett was puzzled as she took it from her. When her eyes landed on the headline her breath hitched and she let out a startled gasp._

_**RICHARD CASTLE, AUTHOR, FOUND DEAD**_

"_What happened to him?" Beckett strangled out._

"_He was doing research for his new books." Her Mother explained. "He got into it with the wrong people and they killed him."_

"_No, that's impossible." She stuttered. "I just saw him, he's fine."_

"_No, Katie." Her Mom sighed. "He stopped following you. He couldn't take the rejection. He gave up on Nikki Heat and moved on. He became reckless when Alexis went away to college and Martha moved out. He cut all ties with you, and you let him."_

"_No." Beckett shook her head in disbelief, tears leaking from her eyes. "No, I just saw him."_

"_You could have prevented this, Katie." Her mother shook her head at her, disappointedly. "You let him down. You let someone else die." _

"_No!" She slammed her eyes shut. "NO! This isn't happening! He's not dead; he can't be!"_

"_I'm sorry, Katie."_

_Her mother faded with her words and she was left in the precinct alone, clutching the crumpled newspaper. She was all alone now._

_She could almost hear his voice calling out for her. She would never see his face again; never hear his voice; never get the chance to tell him the truth… that she had loved him back… that she was pretty sure he was her "one and done."

* * *

_

Castle found himself flat on his back on the floor of his study, blinking furiously at the ceiling trying to figure out how he got there. He was still in his chair and he had tipped it backwards. He wondered what had caused him to move so violently as to tip the sturdy chair when he heard a scream from upstairs.

He jumped to his feet, fighting the dizziness that the sudden movement created, and ran across and up the stairs of his loft. He slid into the hallway and met the bleary-eyed faces of his mother and daughter staring down the hallway towards the guest room.

He looked at them briefly and was about to ask if they had heard the sound too when a shouted "NO!" broke the silence once more. He was moving again, crashing through the slightly open door and moving to Beckett's bedside.

He reached for her as she thrashed wildly between the covers. He had to wake her. She could easily hurt herself with the movement. He planted a knee on the bed and grabbed her upper-arms to keep her from thrashing or lashing out at him.

"Beckett." He croaked, trying to find his voice. "Kate, wake up!"

She didn't calm or register his presence at all, it seemed. He grabbed her completely and stroked the hair from her face and whispered in her ear.

"Kate, you're scaring the hell out of me." He whispered gently. "Please, wake up. Please."

Her movements stopped as she let out a groan and a sob. He looked toward the open door and light streaming in from the hallway and met the concerned faces of his mother and daughter.

"I've got her." He told them. "Go back to bed. She'll be embarrassed if we're all here."

They nodded and left with equally shocked looks upon their faces. He knew he would have to explain tomorrow morning but that was tomorrow; for now, it was all about the woman in his arms.

"Kate, wake up." He whispered again. "Come on, look at me."

Her eyes fluttered and her lip trembled as she looked up at him. She couldn't seem to focus on his face as she looked frantically around the darkened room. She was breathing heavily and she almost clipped his chin as she sat up quickly with disregard of her current physical standing.

He looked at her with surprise and froze as he realized that she was having trouble remembering where she was and who she was with. Her eyes were wild and she was breathing too heavily to get a worthwhile supply of oxygen.

Castle grabbed her upper-arms again and forced her to look at him. He needed to stop her panic attack before it overcame her again.

"Beckett, look at me!" He commanded. "It's me; It's Castle. Look at me"

She snapped her eyes to meet his and visibly deflated. She reached forward and touched his face; a movement that so completely took him by surprise that he placed a hand over hers.

"Castle?" She asked hoarsely, as if unbelieving.

"Yeah." He answered. "Just Castle."

"You're okay?"

"I'm fine, Kate." He replied, confused. "You're the one freaking the hell out of me right now."

"You're not…?" She trailed off. "It was just a dream?"

"Yeah… Just a dream." He told her. "We're both here; we're fine." He figured now wasn't the time to ask about the dream. She wouldn't tell him anyway.

She launched herself into his arms and held on tight until a twinge of pain sent her collapsing in on herself in an attempt to soothe her aching ribs.

Castle leaned back and took in her appearance. All the movement that she did during the nightmare she had, had him concerned. She may have pulled another stitch or opened a scab.

"We need to check it." He motioned to her side. "When I came in here, you were thrashing."

She blinked at him for a second before nodding. He let her go and turned on the lamp beside the bed, leaving them both squinting. She pulled her shirt up to the bandage and he took a look at it. He saw a bit of red making its way to the surface of the white gauze. It didn't look like a lot so he figured she hadn't pulled a stitch.

"Shit." He cursed, shaking his head. "Wait here."

He went to the bag that Lanie gave him and got the supplies to change the offending bandage. When he returned, Beckett was studying her hands rather closely; she didn't speak, just gazed at him.

He made short work of removing the old cloth and replacing it with a fresh one. He was careful not to think about her flat abs or the fact that he was touching her bare skin and she wasn't punching him. Not all the thoughts were filtered, however.

He could feel her staring at him the entire time, and he wondered if it was this unnerving when he studied her. Something about the dream had shaken her, but he would let her tell him about it in her own time. When he finished he smiled at her and pulled her t-shirt back down.

"Good as new." He smiled. He didn't get an answer. She just kept studying him. "Umm… okay… I think you should go back to sleep. I'll just… be going…"

He stood to walk out but a hand on his forearm kept him from going any further. He looked down at the hand that clutched his arm and back up to her face. She was crying.

"Kate…" He asked. "What wrong?"

"Just…" She choked through tears. "Just… stay… please?"

Her voice was small and her face was crumpled in on itself. She looked lost and exhausted. He knew he should keep his distance if he didn't want his heart crushed any further but he couldn't help it. He walked forward and slid into bed beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him, and gently placing his chin on the crown of her hair as she buried her face in his t-shirt.

"Always." He said, as he kissed her head gently.

* * *

**_CLICK ITTTT…Please?_**

**_Yes, I stole Andrew W. Marlowe's line. I loved it so much it needed to be in here. :)_**

**_Wow, That chapter was long… haha_**


	15. Chapter 15

_**AN: I'm sorry for the delay everyone. I've been having a hard time finding time to write. I'm chaperoning a bunch of All-county trips in the next two weeks where you basically sit around and do nothing for 8 hours, so hopefully I can write some chapters then.**_

_**Have I told you lately how much I love you guys? Your reviews make my days worth having sometimes. Keep up inspiring me and I'll keep producing chapters.**_

_**Beckett grows a set and divulges a bit to a very shocked Castle in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it and I hope I kept it true to the characters.**_

_**Don't own 'em.

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**_

Beckett woke first in the morning. She was lying on her side absorbing and relishing in the warmth of Castle's sleeping body. She took a test-breath to see just how bad her ribs were going to hurt today. She found that the pain was there, but bearable.

She rolled onto her back slowly and stared at the off-white ceiling. What she was doing to him was unfair. She was being incredibly selfish. She had pushed him away harshly and, in the wake of a nightmare, begged him to stay with her. Being the decent man he was, he did as she asked and held her, reassuring her. It wasn't fair, she needed to give him an answer but she couldn't find one. She was fighting a never-ending battle with her heart versus her head.

The bed suddenly felt too small and too confining. She needed out. She needed some space. She needed to think about what she really wanted. On one hand, she was tired of always doing what her heart told her to do. On the other, her head never got her hurt like her heart did.

She scrambled from the covers and stood next to the bed, trying to get her bearings and not fall over. She wanted to run from the apartment; she wanted to forget their last few conversations but she couldn't. She did the only thing she could think of. She put some distance between them, settled in, and thought about their predicament. She needed to make him she that she wasn't just being cruel and stubborn.

* * *

Castle woke slowly. He was afraid to move; he was afraid to breathe. The previous day came back to him in an incredible rush. So much had happened; so much had changed and yet, he wished it had turned out differently. He felt the lack of warmth on his side and immediately got concerned.

He looked quickly around the room and his eyes landed on her form on the chair he had dragged next to the bed the previous day. He sat up against the headboard and blinked tiredly at her. He couldn't believe he didn't feel her get up; she couldn't have been too agile about it with her still healing wounds.

When his eyes met hers she looked at him guiltily.

"I'm sorry." She apologized.

"For what?" he asked as his brow knitted together.

"For last night;" She paused, "for making you stay."

"You didn't make me do anything, Beckett." He replied. "I was just as comfortable as you were." He smirked at her.

"Castle, listen…" He held up a hand to stop her.

"Look, I know what you're going to say," He cut her off, "and I know nothing's changed. Just know that whatever happens, I'll be here for you, no questions asked."

He couldn't remember the last time a woman turned him down. Though, he had never encountered a woman quite as extraordinary as Katherine Beckett. He wondered briefly if she was right; if he would wind up leaving her in the end, but as he thought about it, he couldn't find any scenario other than death that would be able to keep him away.

She seemed to consider his statement for a second before looking down and speaking.

"My dream last night was about you." She admitted.

"I didn't ask."

"You were 'not asking' very loudly." She smiled; he smiled back.

"You don't have to tell me, you know." He stated.

"I know." She nodded. "You deserve to know. Hell, you told me yours."

"Is this a 'you show me yours; I'll show you mine' thing?" He asked with a smile.

"Nice try, Castle, but no." She smiled sadly. "I owe it to you."

"You don't owe me anything, Beckett." He said. "That's not why I said what I did."

"Castle… things for me have been… tough, to say the least," She admitted, "but I'm not going to play the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin for myself, do you understand?"

Castle's brow furrowed in confusion as he swung his feet out of bed and planted them on the floor to turn and face her. He wanted to study her; to memorize her face, just in case she decided this was it. Whatever she was going to say was going to be big; he could see it on her face.

"Kate…" He started but she held up a hand to hold him off.

"I don't get close to people for a reason, Castle." She stated. "It's not only to protect them, but to protect myself. I've been doing it for years and it's worked for me. People at the precinct respect and fear me; just the way I wanted it. My career blossomed and I would date guys who never got close either. My life was working for me. I was delightfully detached and I saw no reason to change. However, I'd always have this nagging voice in the back of my brain that would tell me I was incomplete; incomplete without solving my mother's case; incomplete without finding someone who could just be with me for me, and not who I forced myself to be."

He has never heard her talk like this. She is speaking as if unfiltered, though he knows she thought about what she would say. She has a tinge of anger in her voice as she speaks to him. He wonders briefly as she pauses why she is telling him all of this, but she continues before he can ask.

"So then this writer starts following me, and he wears me down and he annoys the absolute crap out of me. At the same time though, he changes me and I don't realize it until it's too god damned late." She spits at him, her face turning a shade of angry red, "and by the time I realize that I've stopped guarding myself, created an unconventional family with my colleagues and friends, and started letting myself be the person I've always secretly hoped I'd be, I'm bleeding to death on the floor of a diner."

He gasps at her bluntness and his eyebrows rush toward his hairline. He wants to go to her and grab her. He wants to hug her so tightly that they'll never be separated, but he doesn't. He's in shock. His mouth hangs open slightly and he finally realizes why she said what she did when they were in that diner.

She didn't give up on living. She didn't want to die there. She was just making sure her new family took care of her conventional one if she didn't make it. It meant that she trusted him with the part of herself she rarely shared.

"Kate…" He spoke softly.

"Castle, I know you think I'm some sort of superhero sometimes." She huffs, "but really, I'm just as terrified as anyone who lives their life. I thought I was going to die and I was scared. I just wasn't nearly as scared of dying as I was of how it would affect all of the people I've come to lo—care about. I looked into your face and saw all of my regrets and I panicked." She explains. "That's the truth. The lies started when I woke up."

"Lies?" He croaks out, his throat feels dry and pinched.

"A lot of them." She nods. "All of the 'I'm fines' and all of the times I told you I didn't need you… I lied."

She pauses to look at him and study him like he does to her. She looks right into his eyes and starts to talk again.

"Here's the truth: Last night I had a dream… a nightmare." She states. "In that dream, you died because I let you walk away. You were killed because I was scared of what would happen if I let you in completely."

She feels herself get choked up. She feels her eyes burning as she looks at his concerned, kind face. She knows he wants to ask her a million questions and that he is fighting to remain quiet and patient. She appreciates the gesture with a smile and reaches forward to place her hand on his.

"My Mother was there." She explains. "She's the one who told me that you were gone; that I'd let you both down. In that moment, I've never felt more empty. When I woke up and you were there… it was relief that I've never felt in my life. I've realized that every important moment that I've had in the past three years has you in it. The truth is, I don't know if I know how to go back to being the person I used to be and I'm not sure I ever want to have to."

They both sit in silence for a few seconds. She doesn't speak because her throat is thick with unshed tears and he doesn't know what to say. He asks the only question that is floating around his head.

"What does this all mean?"

She laughs sardonically. "Honestly, I have yet to figure that part out. I do know that I don't want you to leave me. I just have to figure out in what capacity. I'm scared, Rick. I know you said you'd never leave but you can't know that." She pauses again to look at him. "I was going to go with you last summer, to the Hamptons. I broke up with Demming an hour before your going away party."

"That's what you were trying to tell me when Gina walked up, wasn't it?" He asked sadly.

"Yeah." She admits. At the look on his face, she backtracks a bit. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. I'm telling you this to make you understand why I'm so reluctant. When you left I tried to course-correct. I tried to go back to being who I was before you came along. I went crazy. I made my mother's murder board in my apartment. I started to lose myself in her case and the anger I harbored. I wound up with another monster therapy bill in August when I realized I was unhealthy."

"You should have called me. I would have come back."

"What would I have said, Castle?" She asks. "I need you to stop doing your job and come back to the precinct to make me laugh so I stop working days straight and losing myself in the faces of victims and families?"

He looks at her with regret. He didn't know any of this and he puts the puzzle pieces together in his head. That's why the boys were so cold to him; why Captain Montgomery was reluctant to see his face. He shakes his head and breathes a sigh.

"You have to understand, Castle, I'm not putting this all on you." She says. "That whole situation was as much my fault as it was yours, but before I say we can move forward I need to consider the ramifications. If one or both of us screws this up, I need to make sure I won't go off the deep end again."

"I'll catch you, I promise." He says, looking into her eyes.

She smiles at him and stands up, releasing his hand. "and_ I_ promise that I'm thinking about it." She limps to the bathroom and shuts the door.

He lies back on the pillows and stares at the ceiling. He hears the shower switch on and he decides he needs to get out of that room. She has left him with a lot to think about.

* * *

**CLICK ITTTT**


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN: You can all thank my chaperoning duties for the quick update. While I was sitting around doing nothing from 7:00 AM to 2:00PM but drinking coffee with other teachers, I wrote this.**_

_**I know this chapter is kinda short, but I think I like it. I don't know about you, but I needed a lighter chapter after the last few so let me know what you think.**_

_**There's more to come soon and I have two more chaperoning things to do so that's 16 hours of boredom to fill at the end of the week.**_

_**You guys are still the bee's knees… whatever the hell that means.**_

_**DON'T OWN CASTLE…. If I did, we'd be married and have little Castle babies by now… wow that was creepy.

* * *

**_

Beckett closed the bathroom door behind her and sat on the closed toilet seat. She needed a few minutes. She had just divulged far too much information for her liking. She usually played her hand extremely close to her vest but once she started talking to him, she just couldn't stop. She felt a lump in her throat and her eyes burned. She was going to break and she knew it. She lurched forward and turned the shower on for noise control. She found herself sitting on the tiled floor with her knees pulled up as far as she could without her side hurting. Her head felt like it weighed a hundred pounds and she rested it on her knees. She wrapped her arms around herself and let go.

When her sobs subsided moments later, she rose to her feet slowly, wiping at her face. She gingerly walked into the shower and cleaned herself up.

The fight was becoming too much. She wanted him. In every way, she wanted him. She finally admitted it to herself between last night and now. The problem was that she didn't know what to do with that knowledge. He was Richard Freaking Castle! He was a Millionaire Playboy Author. She was Katherine Beckett; daughter to a Murdered Mother and a Recovering Alcoholic Father; a cop. What did he ever see in her?

She sighed as the warm water washed over her and stung the wound on her side. This was going to be a rough week for the both of them.

* * *

Castle headed downstairs and was met with the concern faces of his family.

"Morning." He mumbled as a greeting.

"Morning, Dad."

"Good Morning, Richard."

He moved to stand across from them as they sat at the island in the kitchen. They both looked scared to bring up what they had witnessed the night before. They looked scared to start any kind of conversation but his daughter braved it out.

"How's detective Beckett this morning?" she asked him.

"You know?" he sighed. "I have no idea. Physically, I think she's doing better. Otherwise, I just don't know."

"Kiddo, it's going to take a while for a girl like, Kate Beckett." Martha told him. "She doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve like you do, Richard."

"I know, Mother." He said, smiling. "and I'll wait."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence before he clapped his hands together and smiled.

"Okay, who wants breakfast?"

The two red-heads smile.

"As long as it's not Smore-letes, I'm in." Alexis answered.

"Me too." Martha nods.

* * *

Upstairs, Beckett had exited the shower and was having a bit of a hard time taping on her bandage. She wouldn't ask for help, though. She'd had enough of that. After struggling for a bit, she managed to attach it relatively well and put a well-worn NYU t-shirt over her head gingerly. She threw on a pair of jeans, to make her feel a bit more human than sweats, and exited the spare bedroom.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she heard laughter from downstairs. She smiled instinctively at Alexis's and Martha's laughter as she stepped down to the lower level. The scene in front of her made her grin grow.

Castle was attempting to flip omelets in a pan and, by the looks of the counter and floor, failing miserably. He tried behind his back and under his leg, both times failing. She stood on the stairs watching for a bit before walking the rest of the way down.

"Five-second rule, Castle?" Beckett smiled and announced herself.

Castle froze and looked at her. She was dressed casually and she looked better than she had in the past few days. Her color was returning and she was standing up straighter. Her hair was wet and tied back and she wore no make-up. He smiled as his brain registered how gorgeous she was. It concerned him, however, how puffy and red her eyes seemed. _"Had she been crying?"_ he thought. He decided to leave it be and joke with her.

"These eggs are strictly for entertainment purposes only." He smiled, "unless _you_ want to eat them."

"I'm good." She laughed. "You know, I've heard of trick-bartending, and hibachi chefs but never trick-fry cooks."

"I'm inventing a new hybrid." He smiled. "I'm gonna call it "The Ome-lympics."

"Yes, because that name rolls _right off the tongue." _She laughed at him.

He was grinning at her like a fool and he knew it. He loved the banter they had. He had forgotten that his mother and daughter were watching them until Kate turned to them and offered them a greeting.

"Good morning, Martha, Alexis." She smiled, approaching to sit next to Alexis on the third stool. "I'm sorry if I woke you last night."

"You saw us?" Alexis asked, surprised.

"Nope." Beckett answered, smiling at the girl. "But if I woke up your Dad, who was downstairs, I'm sure you heard as well."

"Oh." Alexis replied bashfully, realizing that she gave both herself and her Grandmother up; the same grandmother that intervened and changed the subject.

"So, my dear, how are you feeling today?"

"You know, Martha, I honestly feel better." She replied honestly. "My side doesn't hurt as much, though that could be because I'm actually taking my medicine on time." She laughed. "I don't like taking pain meds, but I like it a heck of a lot more than passing out. So, the lesser of two evils I suppose."

Castle stood behind the counter and watched as she conversed so naturally with his family on many different topics. She was careful with her words about how she felt and what happened in the past few days, but she was never dishonest with them. It made his stomach do flips and a smile spread across his lips. He wanted this. He wanted this forever. He was staring at her when he was harshly brought back to reality.

"Earth to Castle!" Beckett's voice broke his reverie.

"What?" He questioned and shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

Her brow furrowed at him and she cocked her head slightly to the right as she studied his startled face.

"I asked if you were making breakfast or just wrecking the life's work of about a hundred hens."

"Umm… the first one." He stuttered and she looked at him funny.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Alexis asked, curiously.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He smiled. "So, what would everyone like in their omelets?"

* * *

Alexis and Martha had excused themselves to get ready for the day and Beckett and Castle were cleaning up the kitchen after their breakfast. He insisted that she relax on the couch while he took care of it but she refused, she needed to feel normal. They were clearing the counters on opposite sides when they literally bumped into one another. Beckett hissed with pain and stumbled as Castle's strong arms caught her.

They both don't know how it happens, but she is facing him in his embrace and she is left looking up at him without her ridiculously high heels on. His hands and arms have landed around her waist and back and hers lie flat against his chest. He looks down at her and breathes out her name in a whisper.

"Kate…" he blinks. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," she whispers back, "just startled me."

"mmm.." he replies.

He stares into her eyes, he knows he should step back and she knows the same, but neither wants to. Castle decides that he's the daring stupid novelist and he's going to take the shot that he needs to. He leans down slowly and let's his eyes slip half-closed still locked into her gaze.

She knows he's going to kiss her, and for once there isn't the voice in her head telling her to run. She is stunned by the silence in her brain and questions if it can be the pain medication affecting her cognitive abilities. In the half-second that the thought passes, she decides she doesn't care and she leans up to meet him halfway.

When their lips finally meet and their eyes slide closed they both sigh gently at the contact. Neither has ever felt anything more "right" in their entire lives.

* * *

_**CLICK ITTTT? Please?**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**AN: Man, this chapter gave me trouble. I can't get the words to flow properly. Let me know if this is crap or I should wrap it up. I don't want to waste your time. **_

_**I should be able to write more on Friday and Saturday when I'm stuck chaperoning again. **_

_**Again, feedback is great, even if it is just to say "stop writing this useless drivel."**_

_**Don't own it.

* * *

**_

Neither Beckett nor Castle could think clearly. As their lips and tongues clashed gently together, they both felt the world fade away from them. His hands caressed her back in slow, smooth circles, and she was gripping the front of his shirt. They were giving each other enough time between languid kisses to get sufficient oxygen. If they hadn't known better, they would say that they had been doing this forever. He knew what she wanted and need and vice versa.

An approaching voice made them both jump apart.

"Hey, Dad?" Alexis called down the stairs. "Have you seen my advanced Chem textbook?"

Castle turned toward the sound shaking his head to clear his thoughts and wiping at his mouth to hide the evidence as Kate busied herself with drying dishes on the counter.

As she saw Alexis descend the stairs to her right, she listened to Castle give the girl directions as to where to find the missing book. He had seen it in his office the night before. She placed her palms on the counter in front of her, extended her arms and bowed her head. She couldn't keep doing this. Kissing Castle was dangerous and she needed to make herself stop; it, however, just felt so right.

Beckett blew out a long careful sigh, as to not cause herself anymore physical pain. Castle walked back to the main area of the loft with his daughter and long-lost book in tow. He looked at Beckett so intensely she averted her eyes to the young girl instead. Smiling, Alexis packed her school back and bid her adieus to both of them, wishing them a good day off, and left the loft none the wiser to what had just occurred in the kitchen.

When she turned back to him after watching the young girl breeze through the door, she had to wonder if his intense gaze had left her since she last looked at him. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"Kate…" He started, moving towards her.

He was interrupted by a closing door and his mother coming to the main foyer as brightly dressed as ever.

"Well, Darlings, I'm off!" she exclaimed. "I have an audition; big one." She smiled.

Martha looked at the two of them and, of course, was a bit more perceptive than the youngest Castle.

"Are you two okay?" She asked.

"Fine" Beckett replied

"We will be." Castle spoke at the same time.

Martha paused again, studying the pair. Something had gone down between the time that she left and the time she was standing there now. She had two options: She could pry, which was absolutely tempting; or she could leave and let them work out whatever they needed to and hope they were both alive when she returned. She settled on the latter and waved her hand.

"Well, okay, then." She said. "I'll be back for dinner. If you need me, call."

She swept out the door, much like Alexis, and Kate figured that the younger redhead learned how to enter and exit from her Grandmother.

The door closed and they both stood looking at it. Kate leaned heavily on the counter behind her and Castle stood in the middle of the living room, much distance between them. He turned toward her and she let her eyes wander to his face once more.

"Kate…" He spoke. His voice died in his throat and he was without words. He had kissed a lot of people in his life, and he wasn't shy about telling the world that… Until now, because what he had just experienced was the single best kiss he had ever had and he was sure he would never have one better.

"Listen, Castle…" Beckett began giving him a sad smile. "We can't keep doing this."

"We _could…_"

"No, Castle." She shook her head.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Beckett." He said, getting irritated. "I'm not going to stand here and say that it was a mistake, or that it meant nothing, because it's not true."

She considered this for a moment. She could lie. She could blame it on the pain medication coupled with the trauma of the past few days. She could say it meant nothing to her and it would crush him. Her fast brain considered all of these options and more, but she couldn't do it. She didn't want to put that look of hurt on his face. She didn't want to lie anymore. She didn't want to blame it on the pain meds. She sighed again and looked at him.

"I don't know what to do, Castle." She shook her head. "I just don't know what to do."

"Let go, Kate." He replied.

"You know I can't."

"I know you can't, but I don't understand why you can't." He answered, moving into the kitchen to stand in front of her. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course, I trust you." She got defensive. "What kind of question is that?"

"I know you trust me, professionally." He explained. "But can you trust me, personally? Can you trust me to make this work?"

"I don't know, Castle." She replied with a hint of sarcasm and threw up her hands. "Can I? You tell me."

"I told you, you can, but you don't seem to be hearing me."

"Your words say one thing, Rick, your track record says something else entirely." She sniped at him, letting the ugly truth slip out.

"Is that what this is about?" He asked. "You can't trust me because of what everyone says about me?"

Beckett shrugged and looked up at him again, fidgeting uncomfortably. He had gotten it out of her. He had worn her down, like he always did.

"You've known me for almost three years, Kate." He replied softly. "I told you, I've changed. Tell me you don't see that."

"I see it." She admitted. "I just don't know if it's going to stick. What if it doesn't? Then where will we be?"

"I can't see myself going back." He admitted. "The person I was putting out in the media is not the person I am." He explained. "Besides, can't we worry about that later; cross that bridge when, or if, we come to it?"

"I don't live that way, Castle." She sighed at him. "I need to think about the future. I need that reassurance and you can't give it to me."

"But I can!" He refuted. "I promise, I can!"

Beckett shook her head at him and his desperation. She knew she was being stubborn, but that was who she was. She wasn't going to let their friendship dissolve into some fling for him. She couldn't lose him as a friend, so she wouldn't take the chance to allow that to happen.

Before either of them could say anything more, Beckett's cell phone rang. She pulled the offending object from her pants-pocket and looked at the caller-id.

"Shit." She whispered and looked up at Castle, who wore a look of confusion. She flipped open the receiver and greeted the person on the other end before leaving the room. "Hi, Dad."

Castle watched her as she walked past him and into the open living room. He would prove to her that she could trust him with her heart. Even if it killed him, he would make her see that he was serious. He wanted them to happen and he wanted them to last. He only had a few days to do it, but he would succeed. He had to.

* * *

_**Click it. Please?  
**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**AN: This Chapter is brought to you by random chaperoning. However, next week's schedule really blows, so I'm going to try and get another chapter up before Monday.I didn't edit this much, so I apologize for the mistakes.  
**_

_**Let me know what you think about this chapter. It motivates me. Hint Hint.**_

_**Don't Own it.**_

* * *

"Hi Dad." She answered the phone.

"Katie!" He replied, sounding refreshed. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm good, Dad" She lied and Castle glared at her from across the room. "When are you headed home?"

"Three Days…" He paused. "you knew that, though."

"Right, three days." She replied, "I remember now."

The truth was, she didn't remember. She was totally clueless as to when his trip ended. She barely knew what time it was due to the amount of time she spent sleeping these days. She sat on Castle's couch and leaned back, eyes closed, listening to her Dad gushing about his fishing trip.

She wanted to absorb every single word, but she was severely distracted. She couldn't stop thinking about the kiss that she and Castle had just shared. It was, in a word, magnificent. She wasn't necessarily a "sappy" type, but she was a closet romantic and she had never felt so much romance in her life. She wished that she could trust him enough to let him in completely; she just didn't want to risk it.

"Katie? Kate..." Her Dad asked on deaf ears. "KATHERINE!."

"What?" she asked surprised, "Oh, I'm sorry, Dad."

"What's going on, Katie?" he asked her, concerned. "You don't sound like yourself."

"Well…" She paused. "Promise me you won't freak out?"

"That is NOT a good way to start a conversation, Katherine." Her Dad responded quickly, his voice rising.

"Yeah… Well, just remember that I'm okay, Dad, all right?" She cringed as she heard his breath hitch on the other end of the phone.

"Tell me."

* * *

Castle was standing behind his kitchen island sipping a Vitamin Water and watching Kate try to explain the last few days to her father via phone. From the looks of her side, it wasn't going too terribly well. She was trying to soothe the panic that was obviously being conveyed on the other end. She started by explaining about Raglan, only leaving out details that would scare her father. She was just about through the part where she would tell him that she had been shot when he started to hear Jim Beckett's through the receiver across the room.

Castle cringed and made a face at her that told her that he sympathized and she looked back at him with a small smile and continued her story.

"No, Dad." She said into the phone. "They tried to contact you… I told them not to."

Castle could hear the "YOU WHAT?" across the room and gave her the "I told you so," look. The strong Beckett glare was in full force as she responded to his arrogance.

It was his time to step up. She didn't believe he'd changed? He would prove it. Hell, he already had. He knew Jim Beckett would call eventually. He closed the distance between them and held out his hand. She looked at him confused for a second before he said. "Phone." and made the "gimme" gesture with his hand.

Her looks of confusion turned to a look of "are you crazy?" She shook her head no and he persisted.

"Umm… Dad?" She asked. "Someone wants to talk to you." She covered the microphone with her hand and whispered at him angrily. "You better know what you are doing."

He gave her his charm-smile and grabbed the phone, putting it up to his ear.

"Mr. Beckett?" He asked.

"Yes." The disembodied voice on the other end answered. "Who is this?"

"My name is Richard Castle, sir." He answered. "I'm—"

"I know who you are."

"Right." He gulped; maybe he didn't know what he was doing. "Sir, I understand what you must be thinking, right now…"

"I beg your pardon, _Mr. Castle_ but you have no idea what I'm thinking."

Beckett was looking at him with a defeated glance. He father was pissed and she was worried about him. Castle knew he had to fix it.

"Sir, I'm a father." He replied, as Beckett's eyes widened. "The first person I tried to call was you, but I couldn't track you down and when Kate woke up, she insisted that you needed this vacation."

"From what I hear, Mr. Castle, you _never _listen to my daughter. Why start now?" Jim Beckett asked him.

"That's a good question." Castle responded. "I should have never let her talk us out of it. I know if it were my own daughter, I would have wanted to know either way." He sighed. "But I promise you, Mr. Beckett, we are all taking very good care of your daughter. I know she's stubborn but I assure you she is taking excellent care of herself and will be as good as new in no time."

"Well, that's a relief, Mr. Castle." He replied, somewhat laced with sarcasm.

"It's Rick, if you will." He responded.

"Fair enough, Rick." He answered. "It's Jim then."

"No, sir." He replied. "Let me earn that, privilege." He was met with silence. "Listen, I know as soon as I get off of this phone, your daughter is going to shoot me, so you should know that there is a ticket to New York waiting at the airport with your name on it for whatever flight you want to take. It's been there for a few days and it will continue to be there as an open ticket, if you choose to return early."

Beckett's head popped up and stared at him. She hadn't known about that little gem. She figured that he would just try to diffuse her father with his own fatherly musings, not like this.

"Thank you, Rick." Jim Beckett replied. "I'm taking the next flight."

"I figured you would. There is also a car service that will pick you up and bring you here to see your daughter as soon as you activate that ticket." He said. "We'll see you soon. Here's Kate back."

"Wait, Rick." Jim said, quickly. "Really, thank you."

"Don't thank me." Castle replied. "She would do that, and more, for me if I needed to get to my daughter. And, I owe your daughter… more than she knows."

He handed the receiver back to Beckett as she stared into his eyes, intently. He smiled and walked into his office and shut the door halfway.

* * *

He slammed down into his desk chair and sighed. She was going to kill him, but it would be worth it. This was just one step in showing her that he really had changed and he owed it all to her.

The memory of the look of shook across her features made him chuckle to himself. He could hear her still talking in the living room and he heard her disconnect the call.

The silence scared him. It meant that she was planning. It meant that she was thinking. Hopefully, she wasn't thinking of ways to maim and kill him for his intrusion. He sat back in his chair and there was a small tap on his office door before it was pushed open.

"Hi." He smiled as she gingerly sat in the couch facing his desk.

"Hi, Castle."

They studied each other for a few moments before Beckett finally broke the eye contact and the silence, simultaneously.

"My Dad's coming home today."

"Yeah, he said."

"You shouldn't have done that, Castle." She scolded.

"Done what?"

"Any of it." She exclaimed "The open ticket; the car service; any of it. You don't have to do these things for me."

"You're right. I don't have to." He admitted. "But I'm quickly becoming the type of person that does anything for the people they care about; I learned it from a good friend of mine; a cop."

"Castle…" She warned, glaring at him.

"Listen, I know you didn't want to worry him and that's why you begged us not to call," He explained, "But I also know that one of the first things I did when I was in the waiting room of the hospital was call my Mom. It's our default setting as someone's child; we run to our parents. We need that comfort and wisdom – even if it is questionable at times, in my case - and I wanted that comfort for you. I knew he would call you eventually and he would get out of you what happened. I didn't want him to have to worry about getting home quickly and worry about you. It would have been too much."

"Castle, I still don't understand why you went to all of this trouble." She looked at him intently.

"When we were…" he gulped, "in the diner... you asked me to take care of your Dad. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah," She nodded, looking sadly at him.

"Well, I sat in that waiting room trying to call him and track him down with Esposito and Ryan. I wanted to do more. I felt like I wasn't keeping my promise; that I was being weak by allowing them to do most of the heavily lifting." He sighed. "The guilt was killing me. When we found out where he was, I did the only thing I could think of. I used my money and fame to insure that he would get to you as quick as possible had anything… gone wrong."

She studied him for a moment and, had it been anyone else, he would have sworn that he saw a mist over her eyes. She stood up and walked over to him. He swiveled in his chair to look up at her. She offered her hand silently and he grabbed it and stood up.

They were nearly touching as they faced each other. He didn't know what she was doing; part of him was still afraid that she was getting into position to inflict bodily harm on him. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a strong hug.

Castle sighed as her body pressed against his and he heard her sigh too.

"It's been a long time, Castle." She said, head falling on his shoulder. "It's been a long time since someone, beyond me, was so thoughtful towards my dad. When he went through what he did, he burned a lot of bridges that haven't been rebuilt. It's been the two of us since then. I can't thank you enough for taking care of both of us, Rick."

"I would do anything for you." He whispered into her hair. "Anything. Always."

"I know." She replied, nodding. "I know that and I wish I could give you what you want. I just can't yet."

"I'll wait, you know." He leaned back to look at her.

"I didn't know," She admitted. "But now I do."

He grabbed her this time, hugging her gently, as to not hurt her. He never wanted to let go, and he desperately wanted to tell her that, but he held back, he didn't want to scare her away.

Kate took a breath and inhaled the scent of his cologne and aftershave. _I could get used to this,_ She thought. Maybe, just maybe, she was more ready that she thought. The coming hours were going to be interesting and she was starting to feel exhausted.

"You look tired, Kate." Castle said, looking at her with concern.

"Yeah, I'm getting there." She smiled.

"How about we go watch some TV and if you fall asleep, you fall asleep?" He recommended.

"That's sounds good."

They both left his office and walked into the living room. Castle grabbed two blankets and the remote as Beckett settled in on the couch. He covered her with the softer of the two blankets and he sat down next to her, but not close enough to frighten her.

They both sat in comfortable silence as the television flickered on.

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**CLICK IT**


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN: So I'm sorry about the delay. I was playing trumpet in a short run of the musical the WIZ. I wrote some of this on the train into the city and some more of it while I was on my lunch break at work. This chapter is a big turning point for our dear detective. We'll know what she does with that in the next chapter, which should be up sooner than this one was.**_

_**Remember, your reviews are like some kind of pill that makes me write faster. Soooo FEED ME. :)**_

_**Don't own 'em

* * *

**_

Logically, Kate should have been the first one to fall asleep on that couch. It wasn't for lack of trying. She had found a comfortable position that took some of the ache out of her body and she was actually kind of happy that she was going to get to see her Dad in a few hours. She just found herself awake, relishing in the comfort that Castle's presence provided.

He had fallen asleep a few minutes into "Bridezillas," which Castle had sworn was a "Hot Mess of Entertainment." Kate had to admit, while these girls were acting ridiculous and mean, the show became amusing to watch. The show, however, was now muted and she was paying more attention to Castle's sleeping form than the television. She was watching and studying him closely; studying how his chest rose and fell; studying how he would twitch every few moments or so. It brought a small smile to her lips to reverse their roles, and learn about _him._

The thought that she could get used to these moments shook her out of her gaze. Could she get used to this? Could she make this work? To make her work turn personal? _"Who are you kidding, Kate?" _a voice in the back of her head asked. "_With him, it has always been personal."_

She laid her head back against the couch and allowed herself to think about the kisses they had shared. There were amazing (like Castle said the first time). She had felt more in Castle's arms than she had allowed herself to feel in years. She wished she could say that that fact didn't frighten the hell out of her, but it simply did. Part of her wanted to feel again; the other part told her that feelings of intense love (if that's what they were) led to feelings of intense pain. Kate Beckett was stuck. She needed an answer.

She was weighing her pros and cons mentally when Castle made a snort/twitch in his sleep that made her giggle out loud. The word "cute" came to mind but she quickly dismissed the thought as juvenile.

She was tired and she wanted to sleep but she had so much to think about. Maybe Castle was right. Maybe he had changed for good. Maybe he could be the man she was looking for. Maybe he already was. He had proven himself to be loyal, protective, thoughtful, caring, and understanding in just about everything she threw at him. He seemed genuinely interested in her but she couldn't decide if it was infatuation, wanting what you can't have, or real. She wanted to try – God She wanted to – but Kate Beckett knew that you can't have your cake and eat it too. If they decided to become more than friends or partners, their friendship might be ruined forever.

"Damn it." She swore under her breath and sighed. Her eyes fluttered, closed, and she fell into a deep sleep. Her mind just couldn't fight her body any longer.

* * *

_"Castle, damn it, would you PLEASE stay behind me?"_

_"But then I can't see anything!" He whined_

_"Yes, but then nothing can "see" you, and that's what's important." She replied._

_"FINE." He pouted, crossing his arms over his WRITER vest._

_She proceeded through the abandoned warehouse with caution, as she always did. She could hear Castle shuffling slowly and, to his credit, quietly, behind her._

_He stepped with gentleness and care until he almost crashed into her back as she stopped short._

_"DETECTIVE!" a male voice shouted through the empty space. "I was hoping you'd make it!"_

_Castle looked at Beckett with a look of surprise and she put a finger to her lips to signal that they should remain silent._

_"I know you're there!" the voice boomed. "You and your little pet."_

_Castle and Beckett shared a sideways glance and she signaled for both of them to retreat. As they started moving, this time Castle leading, they were plunged into complete darkness as the lights blacked out. Beckett felt the cold steel of a gun press against her spine._

_"Don't move, Detective." The man whispered into her ear so only she could hear._

_"Beckett?" Castle asked in a whisper._

_"Go, Castle." She said into the darkness. "I'm right behind you."_

_"Liar." The voice whispered again, his breath making the skin of her neck crawl._

_"Kate, give me your hand." Castle told her. "We'll be able to find out way better and not get separated."_

_She paused. "I can't, Castle, go on, I'll follow."_

_"I thought I was supposed to follow your lead." She could hear him smile, saying the words._

_"Just GO, Castle!" She said angrily._

_The lights in the warehouse switched on suddenly and his eyes grew wide with fear._

_"Beckett…"_

_"Castle, go."_

_"No, I'm not leaving you."_

_"Mistake, Mr. Castle." The man answered, smiling evilly._

_As the cool, hard barrel of the gun was removed from her side, a sharp white-hot blade replaced it. She felt the knife slice through her back and stifled a scream as she collapsed to her knees. She reached for her gun but it wasn't there. She looked up to see Castle moving toward her and a muzzle blast lit up the dim room, getting her attention just in time to see a bullet slam into the word WRITER emblazed on his chest._

_"NO!" She yelled, falling onto her hands and knees. She rolled her head around to see that the warehouse was now empty. Their attacker was nowhere to be found. She crawled to him and felt blood dripping from her onto the floor._

_"Castle," She choked reaching him. His purple shirt was blossoming with red._

_"You were wearing a Vest!" She whispered. "How?"_

_"Just lucky, I guess."He smiled up at her, chest heaving._

_"Castle…" She gasped, her eyes fluttered and she crumpled to the ground beside him, doing her best to face him. She was bleeding fast. They were both dying and there was nothing either of them could do about it._

_"Kate," He sighed. "We're together, that's all that matters."_

_"No." she replied, tears clouding her voice. "Your family." She panted. "Alexis. Martha."_

_"You're my family too, Kate." They were looking deeply into each others eyes._

_"Rick…" She began coughing hard._

_"We're in this together." He replied weakly. "Always."_

_"Always." She nodded, eyes closing._

_"Let Go, Kate." He half smiled as she looked at him again. "I'll be right behind you; where I always am. I'll follow you anywhere you go."_

_"I love you, Castle." She gasped before breathing became too difficult to continue._

_"I love you, Kate." He replied as both of their eyes slid closed. Together. Forever.

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_

Castle woke up to movement next to him on the couch. He looked over at Beckett as she slept. He blinked a few times and embarrassingly wiped the drool from his lip with the back of his hand. He looked over at the sleeping woman and watched her relaxed features turn into something sinister. He didn't exactly know whether or not to wake her. Her face relaxed and he decided against it.

He smiled at the way her eyebrows twitched slightly in her sleep and the way her hair fell in waves against her face and the back of the couch. He decided that he could, quite feasibly, watch her forever.

Castle watched as she stiffened in her sleep. Her back arched and a groan escaped her lips. His brow furrowed and he leaned over to touch her arm.

"Beckett?" He asked softly, trying to wake her gently. Instead, she threw his arm off in a violent motion and murmured something unintelligible.

Castle didn't know what to do in this situation. He knew that you weren't supposed to forcefully wake someone who was experiencing a full-blown night-terror, but he didn't want to see her suffer, whether in sleep or out.

"Kate," He tried again, "Wake up, come on."

She moaned louder and arched back even further as if she was trying to escape her own body. It made him worry about her broken ribs and healing stitches, but his first priority was getting her out of this.

He leaned over and scooped her into his arms, cradling her against his chest. She was talking in her sleep, now, but none were words he understood. Tears were leaking out of her eyes and leaking on to his shirt. Castle began murmuring nonsensical words into her ear and he was drawing small circles on her cheek with the back of his free hand.

"Come on, Kate." He whispered lowly. "Wake up, I'm here. I'm here for you. Always."

Kate arched against him one more time and fell still. Castle blinked down at her and told her to wake up again. Her eyes fluttered open and landed on him. She seemed stunned to see him. Her hands came up and landed on his face. They moved slowly, cupping his cheeks, fingers running over his lips, nose, eyes, and forehead. He was completely confused, but he would allow this if she needed it.

When she was done, she looked deeply into his eyes and her palms fell from his face and encircled his neck.

"Kate?" He asked, his voice cracking. "Are you okay?"

She didn't reply, she just looked up at him, eyes filling with tears. She shook her head "no," before collapsing into his shirt with heavy sobs.

His breath caught. Kate Beckett didn't cry… especially not like this. He grabbed her tight against him, hoping to offer some sort of comfort. He wanted whatever was bothering her to go away. He couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Kate, what can I do?" He croaked. "Please, let me help you."

"Just don't ever leave me." Came the muffled response from his chest. "Don't leave me."

His eyes grew wide and he looked down at her. He grabbed her shoulders and looked at her tear-stained face that had dissolved into hiccups.

"I never want to." He replied. "What happened?"

"I can't…" She choked out, looking away from him. "Can we just… stay here… like this?"

He thought about it for a second. He thought about pushing her, but he didn't have the heart to watch her relive whatever she had seen in her dreams. He looked into her eyes and nodded, holding her to him a little harder and she buried her face in his neck. They both relished in the contact of their partner pressed against them and they both feel into a dreamless sleep.

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_**CLICK ITTTTTT**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**AN: When I started to write this chapter, I didn't know that it was the last chapter. When I wrote the end, I just knew that this was the place it needed to stop. With everything that has happened on screen, it just felt right. What started as a Hiatus fic became very long and very verbose and this feels right to me. Please read the note at the end of this. Enjoy, peeps.**_

_**Don't Own it.

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When Kate Beckett woke up the second time, she had two sensations: pain and warmth. She was warm from the strong arms wrapped around her and the broad chest she had her face buried in. She had a fleeting thought that he smelled fantastic before the other sensation took hold. Her head and eyes hurt from crying and her chest and side ached from the repair it was undergoing.

She looked up at the sleeping man holding her. As she studied him she realized what she was doing to him was completely unfair. She was using him selfishly for her own comfort. Her nightmare had thrown her into a complete emotional meltdown and she sought his presence. She simply just didn't want to lose him in any capacity and she was nearly manipulating his emotions to keep him around. She was pushing him away only to drag him back in when she needed him. She knew it was unfair and that he didn't like it, but she also knew that, because he was Castle, he would do it… for her.

The way she saw it now, she had two choices. She could give him up completely or let him in completely. The last time she had been without him she almost fell back down the rabbit hole that had nearly consumed her after she joined the force. She worked too-long hours, ignored her friends and family, and dangerously brought her work home. In the end, she got herself under control but with the help of Lanie, a shrink, and the prospect of Castle's imminent return in the fall. She was strong and she could do it but the question was did she want to even try?

The other option scared her even more. If she gave him what they both wanted and took things to another, more romantic, level, could they sustain it? Or would they eventually fizzle out and lose each other anyway?

As she lay there in Castle's embrace, she let herself have one more minute. Kate Beckett made her decision. She would stand her ground and she would tell him what she wanted to do, and there was no time like the present.

She shifted slightly to free an arm and she was answered with a tightening embrace and a grunt of disapproval. He inadvertently pressed against her stitches which had her hissing in pain.

"Castle…" She panted through clenched teeth.

"mmm…?" He smiled into her hair and sighed.

"Castle, let go!" she grimaced.

"Why?" he whined. "I'm comfy."

"Castle… STITCHES."

"Oh, God!" He let go almost instantaneously and his eyes flew open. "Are you okay?"

His eyes were checking her over and they settled on her face. His blue eyes were staring into her green ones. She smiled gently at him, biting on her lower lip a bit.

"I'm… fine." She smiled and he voice cracked a bit with nervousness. "Castle, listen… we need to talk."

His face fell as she said those words to him. His concerned face turned into a look of fear. Castle knew what she was about to say to him. She was about to say that they couldn't keep doing this; that she didn't feel the way he did. He knew it and he didn't want to face it.

Beckett sat up and faced him as he did the same. _Here it comes_, he thought as he sighed outwardly.

"Do we _have_ to talk?" he asked softly. "Can you just let me pretend a little while longer?"

"Castle…" she breathed, "I need to tell you something. I need you to understand."

"I do understand…" he interrupted.

"No, you don't." She replied.

"I do, Beckett."

"Will you stop interrupting me?" She snapped.

"Sorry." He hung his head. "I just don't want to hear the words."

"Castle, you need to stop predicting what I'm going to say." She reprimanded. "Just hear me out."

Castle looked into her face and noted that she looked nervous. She was pushing stray hairs behind her ears and chewing lightly on her lip.

"Okay…"

"Okay…" she echoed. "Castle… I… umm... I don't know how to do this, really." She laughed mirthlessly. "Maybe I should have thought about it a little more."

"Whatever it is, I can handle it, Kate." He sighed.

"I keep having dreams… nightmares, really." She explained. "They shouldn't bother me. I've been having nightmares and night-terrors since I was kid. But these, they are getting to me. They're sending me into a tailspin and making me doubt things I thought I was sure of." She paused. "They're about you… the nightmares…"

"I'm—"

"No, don't apologize." She held up a hand to stop him. "My Mom used to tell me that the dreams were just manifestations of what I held back." She smiled. "My Mom knew me better than anyone… until now." She smiled, ironically. "You know me, Castle. You know me better than anyone has in a very long time."

Beckett looked into his shocked features and agape mouth and laughed at him.

"What, suddenly you have nothing to say?" she asked.

"ummm…" he stuttered. "I… thank you?"

She full out laughed at him, her chuckle settling deep in her chest.

"If these dreams are truly a manifestation of… whatever I'm trying not to acknowledge, then I'm pretty sure I know what my brain is trying to tell me."

Castle had stopped breathing. He was waiting for the words: _Castle, we need to stop working together. Castle, I don't think of you as more than a friend. Castle, I'm too dangerous for you. Castle, whatever this is, it's over, forever. _He didn't expect what came next.

"Castle, I want to give this a shot." She stated, looking at him expectantly.

"Is there a but?" He choked.

"No."

"I swear to God, Beckett, if you're messing with me…" He blinked, breathing heavily.

"I'm not." She whispered. "I mean, if you don't want to.."

"No! no, no no." He back tracked. "I want to, I just… I thought you were going to say something else. I'm a little surprised, is all."

"Okay…" she trailed off awkwardly. If this was how it was going to be now that things were out there, she felt as if she had made a huge mistake.

Castle blinked at her but still observed her cautiously. He wasn't used to seeing her so unsure of herself. The usual Beckett bravado had all but disappeared and she was sitting in front of him, raw, and unfiltered. Part of him hated that he made her nervous, but the other was relieved she wasn't running away from him.

A huge smile broke across his face and made his eyes crinkle as he looked at her. She wanted to try. That's what she said. He was sure there were going to be conditions and rules and all the normal Beckett-y things but he didn't care. His internal scoreboard was lighting up like a pinball machine. In the end, he didn't need to break her down; her mind did it for him. His smile grew even larger.

"We're trying this?" He asked. "I just need to be clear before I do something stupid."

"Yeah, I mean… if you are still…" She trailed off.

"Oh, I'm in." He laughed. "I'm SO in."

"Ok." She smiled. "Then I am too."

"That's…" He trailed off. "Awesome."

"I thought you were a wordsmith, Castle." She teased

"You render me speechless, Beckett."

"That's got to be a first." She bit back.

"Saucy." He winked, leaned in and kissed her.

The kiss didn't last long. They weren't ready for fast. They wanted this to be slow and steady. They both knew that there was so much riding on this. There was friendship, family, professional life, all wrapped up into one. They both knew, however, that if anyone could make it work, they could. They would make it, together. Always.

**The End.

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_**Click itttt..

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_**So, that's the end folks. I could have continued, but this just felt done to me. I'm sure inspiration will strike again soon and I'll be writing another fic for you all. I hope that you felt the same closure that I did with this. Drop me a line, tell me you hated/liked it or if you have an idea about what I should write next. **_

_**Over 500 reviews… I love you all. **_

_**Out**_

_**Trmptgrl47**_


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